Friday, January 30, 2009

Ok Here is the Deal!

EXTRA EXTRA READ ALL ABOUT IT!!!

We have a community here that are people that want to be real.
Without your participation this site will die. Without your participation
here on this blog it will soon be gone. It is up to you. Funny thing
once something is gone, then it is missed. When we have , then we '
do not value what we have.

Yesterday we asked for questions, comments, real stories and your
participation. I am wondering what it is you seek. Are you afraid to ask
questions? Are you afraid to state an opinion, make a commitment?

It is up to all of you, everyone of us has a responcibility to the
community here. It is up to you. Mark

This is a MW production 2009c written for: 411bdsm.com
Mental health problems should be brought to the atention of Mental healthcare profesionals
2009c

Thursday, January 29, 2009

IT'S YOUR TURN!

IT'S YOUR TURN!!!! 1/29/09

It is your turn. I am asking all of you to send questions , comments, concerns about the lifestyle, specific areas of the lifestyle, fetish life, mechanical questions, emotional questions and questions and topics you wish to read about. In the next few weeks I will post these questions and I will answer them. Your anonymity will be protected.
Send your questions etc. to:four11bdsm@yahoo.com
I am also searching for real bdsm stories of all types. The one requirement is: KEEP IT REAL! thank you, MARK

Counselors Corner is a MW production2009c in association with 411bdsm.com
If you are having any mental health care issues please seek profesional help inperson

Wednesday, January 28, 2009

The Topic For Today Is; NUTS! NUTS! NUTS!

Nuts! Well there are the nuts that males have, although some don't have any balls at all. There are the nuts that females have, ovaries. Then there are the nuts like peanuts, walnuts, pistachio nuts and then there is the question... "Am I nuts?" "Are we nuts?"

How many?

How many people in the bdsm lifestyle, slaves or Masters or Mistresses have at one time or another asked themselves: "Am I nuts?" "Is my partner nuts?" It is funny, but I believe at one time or another we all ask ourselves or others those questions. First a slave, I have asked myself that question more than one time. In fact, how many of you have actually taken a leave of absence from the lifestyle, only to find out, that you can not escape it, and it will not leave you? It will change with time, and will evolve. Our "lifestyle genes" will eventually come back stronger than ever before.

Back to the "nuts" or ovaries, or little nuts

Well????? we all have em don't we? I mean sexual organs. Last time I looked I had mine, do u have yours? The hormones that are produced by the testicles/male nuts and the hormones produced by the ovaries /female nuts, create Libido. Libido creates sexual drive, and determines the level of those drives. Developmental process determines, what is pleasurable and what we perceive as needs, wants, and desires. Warning. One of the interesting things about Libido and hormone levels is the fact, that there are many males and females without testicles or ovaries but they still crave the sexual life and are very sexual in nature. The reason this stands as a warning is that if you wish to shed your libido the loss of your testicles or ovaries you may not accomplish that with their removal.

The body is sneaky

The human body acts and reacts, on a self driven level at times. We call that involuntary reaction. Heart beats, lungs breath, kidney's filter. We do not have to think about those things, they happen on their own. It is also the case with the brain. It creates hormones in the adrenal glands and hypo-thalamus. When the body looses something it will try to recreate it somewhere else in the body. The body can never catch up to the levels of hormones lost by castration male or female, but it will adjust itself and hormones can and will be produced.

Evolution

The question evolves into this: Am I nuts? or Am I comfortable inside of my mind, heart and soul, and body? If you are in the lifestyle, and you are content, well adjusted, not in conflict or crisis management, then are you nuts? I would say not. If you are in the lifestyle and your relationships harm your well being, you hate yourself and everyone around you, your mental state is out of control, and you can't decide to stay or go, but you stay. Yes ! You need help. Nuts... nah!!! Human. Yes!

AMWproduction2009c written for, 411bdsm.com 2009c
If you are having mental health care issues, go and see a mental health care provider.
We encourage comments and questions and concerns to this collum. If you would like to contact Mark, please contact him at four11bdsm@yahoo.com

Tuesday, January 27, 2009

The Topic For Today Is: "What's it all About?"

What is it "all" about? What I am asking is what is the BDsM lifestyle all about? Do you know? What are your beliefs about the lifestyle? Do you really want to know?

Do you really know? Have you studied, been mentored, taught, trained, have an open mind? Sorry to say that several records and surveys indicate that the answer is a resounding NO to many of these questions. So we get to the lifestyle by chance for most of us. We learn from one another and we also learn by surfing Internet sites. For some, they are drawn to the lifestyle. Most of the people who have been in the lifestyle for a long time have developed a certain "quality" and "wisdom" and "calmness" about them. New people have illusions and excitement, and Hormones a flow- in. LOL!

What me study?

A resounding YES! Yes we study! We read books on slavery, being a Master a Mistress a sub or switch, learning, evolving, growing. BDSM is alive! It is not a game. No, do not get me wrong, BDSM is fun, and very stimulating, but let us not fail to learn, grow and evolve. When I came to the lifestyle all I wanted to do was learn, learn, learn. I read all the books about the lifestyle. I discussed my thoughts and feelings, my needs, wants and desires. I went from classroom to classroom, keeping my mouth gagged and my ears open. I found that learning and study about the lifestyle is as seductive as the lifestyle itself.

Whats it about?

Many people , from people in the lifestyle to others who are not, seem to focus on the acts of hitting, humiliation, or other "bizarre" behaviors. Some focus on the obedience and the rules and the dress and toys of the lifestyle. Very few get the message of what the lifestyle is truly about.
You can bet your sweet butt that If I am going to be tied to a St. Andrews Cross and being prepared for a scene or a punishment, I am going to have to have TRUST in the person who holds the whip or paddle. So part of the answer is TRUST! Here are some of the other elements that should be present in your lifestyle relationships and play: Love, sexuality, compassion, purpose, understanding, knowledge and some common sense.
That is a picture worth knowing about and holding on to.

Personal note.

Once upon a time I was a real slave. No bull, no crap, a real slave who was to be naked on entering my house, and on call 24/7 in service to my Mistress /wife. It took several years to create the relationship we shared. Our relationship was strong and lasted for 32 years. As we grew we began to disconnect as husband and wife and soon we would separate as Mistress and slave. What we had done was to rest in what we had, creating "static". With many relationships not growing, not evolving, not learning, and not playing creates boredom and stagnancy. We can not stay still in a relationship. We either grow, learn, and keep our relationships fresh and exciting or we find ourselves unhappy and alone.
My wife eventually met a young male of 28, she was 42 and I soon became her cuckold. When our relationship was coming to an end I was castrated, (in the lifestyle) by my Wife and Mistress. My testicles were given to her new slave and I was abandon. I had failed to evolve, to grow, to study, to learn, and to be exciting. I had fallen into the "comfort zone". She, however, wanted more of what we had shared in our first 32 years of our relationship. All has worked out, and even today, everyday, I study, I explore, I examine, and I keep each day a new day and an exciting day. That is what I find as the answer to: Whats it all about? I would be interested t know what you think. MW.

This is a MW production2009c, written and produced for: 411bdsm.com
If you are having mental health care issues, please seek out professional help, in person.
We encourage comments, questions and suggestions.
If you would like to contact Mark for any Private issues including relationship issues, bdsm issues please contact him at four11bdsm@yahoo.com



Monday, January 26, 2009

The Topic For Today is: Desperate

Desperate, lost, alone, scared, want, need, all make for a failed BDSM Relationship!!!!

Want
What slave does not want what they want when they want it?
What Domme does not want what they want when they want it? I think we all want what we want when we want it. Doesn't seem so unusual. In forming a real BDSM relationship it takes time. That's right TIME! IT takes TIME! There are no shortcuts. None! I speak from experience! There are NO SHORT CUTS!

Needs
Who does not wish to be loved? Who does not want to belong? Who does not want to need and feel needed? If there are any people who say that they do not, I will tell you that underneath their EGOS they have the same needs that all people have. They may never admit to that, but they have those needs just the same.

Alone, Loss, Fear

WE ALL HATE BEING ALONE! Yes there are some of you that have gotten used to being alone, throughout your lives. Basic human nature upon birth is that we are social beings that need socialization. Put best by Barbara Streisand, "People needing People". Most of us have an inborn need to be with a companion of some kind.

Loss

After being with a Domme' for 25 years, and then alone, the loss was devastating. I was alone, Lost, afraid, and wanted someone to make it "better" I reached for anyone, anybody to help sooth the pain of my loss. What I ended up with in the long run was sadness, more loss, anger, and the fear I would never ever find anyone again. I made it worse by being fearful of being alone. There are many of us that make the same mistakes. Remember... relationships take time. The feeling of loss can not be covered over by a band-aid.

Scared/Fear

Operating out of fear or being scared will leave us being scard.
When we are in Fear or fright our minds are not working in a normal way. We are working from a fear based model and we are reactive and needy. If we are reactive and needy, in the long run what will be end up with? We end up with the scars of broken relationships, broken promises as well as broken hearts.

Stuck

When we find ourselves living with the problems of our partners and of ourselves and the problems that we have actually created we become stuck. Some of us will take ABUSE in the name of Doming. Some of us will sleep with one eye opened, shaking, in worry or fear of what will happen to them next. Some will cray themselves to sleep, while believing this is the wonderful lifestyle of BDRM. Some will be controlled mentally and made to believe they mean nothing and are to be treated as they are being treated. All of this because they just can not get out. They choose to stay, rather than being alone and growing out of the quicksand they are in. I liken this behavior to the many woman who have been in an abusive relationship and are afraid to leave. They stay and are beaten over and over again. Some of them will die and be damaged for life before getting out... if they ever do.

Why? Why? Why?

I am sharing all of this with us, me included, as a reminder that this is going on, within our own web site. It goes on in the lifestyle toooo much of the time. We operate out of fear and need when logic and feelings need to be at hand. I want to hear from you if you think you are being abused in anyway. Just because someone reads some articles on the Web and says they are a Master a Mistress, a slave, or a sub, does not make it so. The stories are fiction, even the ones that say true. They are fiction in one way of another.

Form a Relationship First

Yes! Form a relationship first. FORM A RELATIONSHIP WITH YOURSELF FIRST! KNOW WHO YOU ARE AND WHAT YOU WANT. In so doing it is possible that you may just find the greatest love that you have ever dreamt about!

Mwproduction2009c written for 411bdsm.com
If you are having any Mental health care issues, please contact a mental health care professional, in person
We encourage comments and questions to 411bdsm.com
If you would like to email Mark please do so at: four11bdsm@yahoo.com

Thursday, January 22, 2009

The Topic for Today Is: Emotions/Feelings

Feelings are not right are wrong, they are feelings. Emotions are nothing more of less than Energy-n-Motion. These are powerful statements. We shall look at these subjects today.

Feelings

So what are the major feelings. Well there is: sadness, glad, happy, anger, fear, depression and hate. There are many sub areas of feelings. All of our feelings come from one place. Clinically speaking, feelings come from our brains. We can carry that to the heart center too, but feelings are generated by chemicals reacting to stimuli in the brain. Feelings are no more or less than thoughts. POWERFUL THOUGHTS!

Motivation

Feelings motivate us to act. Feelings motivate us to act in certain ways. In the lifestyle, seeing as we are intensifying our consciousness we must be aware of, how we are feeling. The key word for feeling and action is balanced. You do not want to scene when you are angry. Anger is one of the most powerful emotions. Anger is also known as an unbridled emotion. I have had one experience with an Angry Mistress and the results where not pleasant for me, and the aftermath was not pleasant for her either. The best time to play is when we are in the emotional middle ground. BALANCED.

Emotions

To Emote our feelings is to "give off" certain signals that others can feel, see, and detect. When we enter a dungeon or play space it is always best to "Feel" out the situation before we play. Do you feel safe, comfortable?, "at home"? Are you afraid?
Are you anxious? Are the people friendly and warm? Do you feel a part of, rather than alone. All of these emotions should be felt, observed, and acted upon accordingly.

Are you the Master of your Emotions?

Most of us are not the Masters of our emotions. Even the Masters are not totally in charge of how they handle their feelings. I hear a lot of people saying, "She made me feel". "He made me feel". These statements tell us and show that the people saying these things have no concept of them being the Master of their own feelings. You can choose how you feel with work, concentration, and desire. For us in the lifestyle it is a good idea to master our feelings, realize that they are thoughts and that we can control them. Eventually we can actually decide how we wish to feel.

Concusion
We live everyday with our feelings. Like anything, feelings can be controled, modulated and molded. It is up to all of us to become reponcible about how we use and show our feelings.

WARNING!
IF YOU PLAY WHEN YOU ARE ANGRY, YOU WILL BE PUTTING ALL PLAYERS IN JEOPARDY.

this is an MW production2009c written and published for 411bdsm.com
If you are having mental issues please contact a health care professional in person
We encourage comments, questions and your thoughts.
If you have personal lifestyle issues contact Mark at four11bdsm@yahoo.com

Wednesday, January 21, 2009

The Topic For Today Is; Power and Humiliation\

"The mind is the most powerful sex organ that the body has". That's the truth!
Our minds, our thinking, not only creates the thoughts we think of, it creates the stimulation that the mind uses for sexuality and all forms of sexual play.

A View From the top.

Our heads are on top of our body. Inside of our heads is a brain. ( for most of us) The brain is a motor. It is light beige in color. like a Mellon. It weights about 2-3 lbs. It is not as squishy as you may think, but more rubbery in nature. It controls everything we do, form the smallest task to the largest and deepest thoughts. Your brain contains the memories of you first cum, you first erection or orgasm. I can remember sights and sounds, and smells from long ago. It is faster than any man made computer and it can process more information than any electronic device. It has all the accessories of a fine Automobile. We all have one of these, right at the top of our bodies! What does this have to do with the lifestyle? You may be asking yourselves that, so here are the answers.

Humiliation

The brain paints all the pictures in our lives. It gives us our attitudes, stimulation, thoughts, and what "turns us on". It gives us sensation, pleasure, and pain. It makes us feel embarrassed or humiliated. It drives the whole sexual system.
When you were young, your parents may have done something to you that was humiliating, or embarrassing. In so doing the subconscious brain may remember that moment and the feelings that were created at that time. This is where likes and dislikes are born. If it was a pleasurable experience your brain locks those emotions and feelings in. It is now part of your sexual system.

A Story.

When I was 7 years old, on the way home, I felt really sick. It was a hot day but I just didn't feel right. When I got home my Mom who was a very sexual person had me go to the medicine cabinet and get the Rectal thermometer. Mom had me lay across her lap.
She greased up the thermometer and inserted it into my backside. It felt good to me. In fact my small penis became erect. The door bell rang and one of her girlfriends was at the door. "Come on in" she called out.
The other woman entered the room and sat down as my 4 minutes was not up. Of course the two woman discussed what was going on, as if I wasn't there. My penis was still erect and the neighbor noticed. " Young man she said", "yes I replied" If you were Gary my son he would be put to bed for that with no super.". My penis only got harder. My mother tried to justify my erection as normal, which it was. The neighbor lady was having none of that. When I was finished I had a 102 degree temperature. I was told to go and get in my Pajamas and get into bed. The neighborhood lady told my mother that I needed a good spanking before I was allowed to go to sleep. The neighbor then put me over her lap and spanked me until I was in tears and my erection had gone away. Funny thing about that. It is still a scene I like to re-create. You see the stimulation points or triggers where all present. Stimulation, erection, response, safety, warmth, loving care, and sexuality as well as pain and pleasure. My brain locked all of these factors inside of it and later they would become part of my operating system, sexual system, and even my need system.

Power

I was conditioned by my Mothers dominance of my father and off my brother. What we see when we are young we inculcate inside of our own Psyche. When my Mother used to badger my father and he would obey her, I was watching and listening to all of this. It was programed into my consciousness as a good thing and the right thing. As a result I always crave serving a dominant female. I enjoy the power of a strong yet loving Domme' and I enjoy them having power over me. Along the way, I associated freedom with erotica and female domination

Pleasure Center.

Behind the subconscious mind is a small center that is called the pleasure center. It operates to detect pleasure and to produce serotonin. Serotonin creates feelings of well being. As the brain is stimulated serotonin is released into the pleasure center. We remember pleasure and the feelings that go with it. We, therefore, select and keep these sexual memories and they are re-created all through our lives.

It Don't Matter!
It doesn't matter what you like, what you dislike. It is all there, in the melon called the Brain
Enjoy!

This is a MW production2009. Published and Written for: 411bdsm.com
If you are having mental health care issues please contact a professional Mental health care facility in person

WE NEED YOUR COMMENTS AND QUESTIONS. ANY SUBJECT WILL BE CONSIDERED.
If you have personal bdsm, sexual, alt. lifestyle issues, contact Mark Wize at: four11bdsm@yahoo.com
This collum needs you! MW.

The Topic For Today Is; Power and Humiliation\

Tuesday, January 20, 2009

The Topic For Today is: Phonies

We all know about the Goonies. I also think that many of us know about phonies.
That is right! Phonies! Wind! Liars! Fakes! Manipulators! Heart Breakers! PHONIES!

I know why.

Yes I know why the net fosters phonies. I know why BDSM sites, chat rooms, and email breed phonies. People like to live in their fantasies. They like to lurk in the dark. They can and do lead effective phony lives where they can be a MASTER an Authority, a slave, without doing a single thing but lie and fantasize. Some have Internet affairs and masturbate and use the net for sexual release. There are many more reasons, but these seem to be the main reasons.

Sad but true

Phonies, liars and fakes hurt us all. More than hurting everyone, there are individuals both male and female that are lied to, manipulated and used for the satisfaction of others. Wankers, wank and plan and manipulate the lonely. HEARTS GET BROKEN! TEARS ARE SHED! PEOPLE GET HURT!

The Predators

The predators are split lived schizophrenics, boarder line personality disordered, and aggressive. Some do not even know who they are. Most don't know what they want. Some can not, and will not ever meet who they have been e-mailing and I'M ing. They always figure a way out, always leaving the ruin of their ways on the people they have lied to.

The Prey

Yes! Prey! I will pray for all of those who are alone, lonely and in pain. A quick fix, of a relationship seems to be their answer. I can not say enough about these relationships that foster dreams and fantasies and leave ruin and destruction in there paths. I do not know a way to fix this for the many who suffer from broken promises, lies and deception. All I can say is be aware. Know that the wolves hunt, capture, and destroy their prey. If you wish to take that risk, then be cautious in your quest to find what you are searching for.

Instant Masters, Slaves and Subs.

I want to be a Master! I want to be a slave! She wants to be a Mistress! No problem, no problem at all. Just go on to the web read a few fictional articles, a few videos of slaves being beaten, forced to do unrealistic things, having sex with any Master or Mistress that orders it done. No common sense at all, just action, action, action. Stupidity with no respect for life, feelings, humankind, or sanity. This is not the way to learn. It is corrupt with excitement with very little reality, if any at all.

I am sorry.
I am sorry for those who believe the crap and practices, that are put onto the willing. I am sorry for the slaves and subs who blindly obey the ones who know nothing and pass themselves off as Masters/Mistresses. I am sorry for the Masters and Mistresses who are disappointed by slaves and subs coming to live with them, that never show up. Yes I am sorry. All of us need to be sorry and aware of what lurks in our community.

Duty Calls

This site, 411bdsm.co is being developed for REAL LIFESTYLE PEOPLE. It is our duty to listen and be aware of the fakes and phonies. When the Real People find something that doesn't add up, it is thrust upon us to act. Please contact Mistress Lynn, or Mark Wise/ spankey or a Board Member. Let's do our part to stop the damage that we all suffer from. Remember the fakes hurt our lifestyle, and tarnish what we are really all about. It is not funny, it is very damaging and sad.

This is a MW production written for and produced for 411bdsm.co
If you are having emotional issues, please contact a mental health care professional, in person
We encourage and open forum. We would like to hear from you. If you would like to write MW about your personal issues please write to: four11bdsm@yahoo.com

Monday, January 19, 2009

Todays Topic Is Laughter

Good morning! Tell me, what does laughter have to do with BDSM and the lifestyle...anyway????? I will share with you, but only if you promise to laugh.



Facts:



Facts only the facts Son.

OK! OK! OK! already!

Did you know that the American Bureau of Insurance states that 6 seconds of Laughter and a 6 second hug each day produces less car accidents?

Studies at John Hopkins University show conclusively that heart rate and central nervous system and respiration are affected in a positive way when someone is laughing.

Other studies indicate that a great deal of stress is reduced due to laughter.

This is all valid and validated information.



Why is laughter important for the bdsm lifestyle?

I'd like to ask, why is laughter seemingly absent in many dungeons and play scenes?

Maybe we forget that we are in the lifestyle for FUN and enjoyment. Well I am here to remind you. The human being, the mind body and soul, calls out to be happy, in harmony, and in sync. with the universe. Laughter is an important component of our very existence.



A story



As I have shared with you before. iIam a slave. My Mistress does not always play with me. She actually likes to watch, more than she likes to play. I am blessed in that I have many Mistresses that like to play with me in the dungeon. One of my very first times playing with a Mistress other than my Mistress was very very funny. I did not see the funny things then, well maybe a little bit, but what a memory of fun and laughter. I was given to a Mistress Jane. She is a wonderful Mistress, lifestyle Dome and a teacher. She has become a very good friend over the years. After I signed the release forms the party began. She had me strip naked and I was lead to the horse. I was bent over, and chained down to the four legs of the horse. My but high in the air, my heart pounding, a crowd watching on to see spankey "get his".... a fart.... I farted.... My face red as a Beet my heart pounding, Mistress comes to my head and raises it up. Mistress asks, "What do you say?" I didn't know what to say. Well... errr well... I'm sorry Mistress. Mistress then said, " Not good enough" Oh shit, now what, I thought. She bellowed, " I'm waiting slave"! "Excuse Me Mistress! Ah a smile from Mistress. "It's OK ,my boy, lots of slaves get nervous and pass gas." I was humiliated to death. :) As I raised my posture to accept my session....Fart. :) Mistress beat my butt with a zest and zeal that I had not experienced before. It was wonderful! after the entire session, we all sat around and laughed for hours. fffffart. LOL

Conclusion

Laughter is the nectar of life. Some of the activities we partake in are serious and need complete focus. I always try and remember I am in the lifestyle for the celebration. What celebration, can ever be complete, without laughter?

AMWproduction 2009c written and produced for 411bdsm.com
If you are having mental health issues please contact a mental health care professional in person.
we encourage comments questions and dialogue
If you wish to discuss your personal issues contact Mark at: four11bdsm@yahoo.com

Todays Topic Is Laughter

Friday, January 16, 2009

Play Time???

What do you like most in the lifestyle? My favorite thing in the lifestyle, is when I have been good, then Mistress plays with me. I love that! We do lots and lots of things and we have a good time. How about you? whats your favorite thing in the lifestyle.

The Dungeon

Wow what a place. The dungeon, filled with bdsm furniture, crosses, tables, "racks", hanging whips, chains, leather cuffs, and much more. In the dungeon I go to, there are 2 main play areas. Two large rooms that join up and can hold 25 players and about 100 spectators. It is awesome and fun to just be there. There is a Pepsi bar, you will be served by slaves, dressed in leather garb, polite, and well trained in social behaviors. There is a stage for slave auctions and for demos. It is set up well and there are great people to mingle with and to play with.

The Players

All of my friends like to play. I have learned so much from the people that come and play. I continue to learn about human behaviors, and to observe the seen and the unseen. Sometimes you can actually smell the fear or anticipation of a slave or sub or a bottom being prepared for his or her turn on the cross. The muffled sounds of gaged slaves being whipped with a cat-o-nine tails can excite many of us. At times there are very loud and emotional screams that fill the air. You can taste the mood in the rooms. Players are those who play. In the dungeon there are many who come to play but they are lifestyle people. Play is used as a reward for some. At times you will also see punishment sessions. I have seen some of those and all I can say is, " I want to be good"! LOL If you have never been to a dungeon I suggest you go and visit. What a great time and education for all.

Rules

Shoot! There are even rules in the dungeon. Ah... yes there has to be rules. Here are some of the rules we have in our dungeons. 1. Have fun 2. Be safe 3.follow the rules.
OK the other rules! 1. Do not walk into someones play space, unless invited! 2. During a scene, stay away and don't interrupt the scene. 3. Do not be loud or crass.
4. Be polite 5. If protocol is used, use it. 6. Be respectful to Tops, Masters, Mistresses and to each other. Especially to the people who have the power. LOL. 7. If you are high or drunk you will be asked to leave. 8. Make sure you have your consent form signed. 9. Take Turns, and when you are done with a piece of equipment clean it off with what is provided.
10. Be aware of other people waiting for a piece of equipment. Well that should give you and idea.

Emotional Outlet

There are many benefits to play. Play releaves stress! Play gives practice to both the slave, sub or bottom and to the Masters and Mistresses. Playing together gives all of us a sense of community, of belonging. Playing gives some of us what we need and crave. Remember to always error on the side of less, rather than more. Never play while you are angry, upset, or your mind is not clear. That is a recipe for disaster.

Have Fun

Isn't having fun, being fulfilled and at peace why we play. After a good play session I like to look into the mirror the next day and see the marks and welts my Mistress has gifted to me. I sleep like a baby and have great dreams. Sometimes I am allowed to service my Mistress in the morning if I have made her proud of me by my dungeon behavior. Sometimes I feel so good after play that I have to be pinced to make sure I am not dreaming. :)

See all of you Monday! Going off to play at the dungeon this weekend. MW
Counselors corner is written and published by MW Productions 2009c for, 411bdsm.com
If you are having mental health issues, please contact a mental health care professional in person
We encourage comments and questions. If you would like to speak with MW please contact him at; four11bdsm@yahoo.com

Thursday, January 15, 2009

The Topic For Today is Discovery and Therapy

This is NOT a paid political announcement! It is Important!
If you are going to some kind of therapy the keys are: 1. Set a goal. In other words what do you want to know about yourself, and where you want to go. 2. Listen. Take the cotton out of your ears and put it in your mouth. 3. Don't run! Denial and anger are two signs that the "truth" about yourself is present. 4. Do not expect change for several visits. If the goal is to "change yourself" it takes time. You may be able to change cognitive thinking, Pre-frontal lobe thinking, everyday actions, you will not be able to change your persona so quickly. 5. Give time, time. Slow down, we all move to fast. 6. Drugs. When you go to the therapist GO SOBER. Work done when you are high is waisted money and time. 7. Take notes. I know some therapists or counselors say no. You will be very lucky to maintain one idea if you don't write key thoughts or ideas down. 8. Honesty. Be honest. If you lie, shade the truth, or hide the facts WHY GO? I assure you that the therapist has heard it all anyway. Besides if they haven't ,then it may be time to change therapists. 9. Willingness. Be willing to share your insides and your secrets. We are only as sick as our secretes. 10. Safe Place. Make sure you feel safe with the therapist and the place. If you do not it's time to move on. Being scared is OK. Being terrorized is not. Hope this helps all the courageous people who want to know and want a better, healthier life. MW

Sexuality/Discovery

Sexuality is a discovery. Kinda funny huh? When we are born we begin to explore the world around us. Outside of ourselves first. As time goes on an infant discovers his or her genitals. He or she begins to associate pleasure and pain, warmth, comfort, and excitement. What is happening is the mind is taking snap shots of what is good, what we like, what we don't like, and the subconscious mind continues to be programed, sort of like a camera or a video. The video keeps being made throughout our lives.

Time Marches On
As we move into puberty, sexual feelings both physical and emotional begin to form. Some People find that they are more sexual than others. The male seemingly "acts out more than the female, but on closer examination we find that surveys do not indicate that. The female is more covert in their sexual behaviors throughout puberty.
Here in the 21st Century this is also changing at an enormous rate.

The Rest of Your Life

Fact: Woman think differently then Men. That is not good or bad, it is just the way we are made! Fact a woman's brain and a mans brain are physically different. Fact Woman and Men where brought up with different sexual ideas and behaviors. Fact a mans mind and a woman's mind react to different stimuli at different times and in diffeent ways. This fact causes different emotional reponces.
If we look at our lives as a journey, we are prepared to make certain discoveries. Sexual preferences are discoveries we make on our journey. What we like, what we dislike, what we need and what we want are a part of the discoveries we make.
For example, I am a slave with a slave heart. I want to serve a dominant female. I love making my Dom me' happy. These behaviors and responces enhances who and what I am.
Everyone has sexual desires. The question remains, how deep are they and when or if they will be discovered and explored. Every subject I have covered, in the last several days, comes from a discovery of some kind or another. Discovery is a wondrous thing. For some of us discovery brings confusion and terror. For some of us it is our life's quest.

Disclaimer

LOL! I write this with tongue-n-cheek. It needs to be said. Those people that have sexual desires, thoughts, or feelings that cause others unwanted harm or pain, abuse, or damage, need to examine those behaviors and thoughts. I suggest that you see someone right away. Key words here are Sane Consensual and In control or our actions. Good healthy emotional choices and itellectual choices make for healthy play and a healthy life.

this is a MW production2009c written and produced for 411bdsm.com
If you are having any mental health issues, please contact a mental health care professional in person.
We encourage comments questions and other points of view. If you wish to speak to Mark about an issue you are having please contact him at: four11bsm@yahoo.com

Wednesday, January 14, 2009

Topic For Today Is: Choices and Discoveries

We all will make many choices today. Some of the choices we make, seem not to be choices, but I assure you they are. Did you know we can actually choose how we feel. Yes that is a fact. The problem is, that for most of us we do not believe that we can make those choices. We will discuss this unknown fact in today's article. We will also be looking at how we become what we become, what we like and dislike in the sexual arena. Enjoy!

Choices

We are a summation of the choices we make. We are happy or sad, angry or at peace, we are healthy or diseased, by the very things we choose in our lives. The "How WE Feel" thinking is not a mistake nor is it done randomly. WE CHOOSE! Have you ever heard? She made me feel that way? He hit me and I feel very worthless. Yes we say these things all the time. We empower others to "make us feel" the way we do. Now think about that. Is that how we want to live? Do we wish to spend our times being dictated by others how to feel and when to feel certain ways? I do not think anyone wants to be manipulated like that. The sad fact is that this is how we act.

Victims

Are we really victims? Do we really have to "take it", "take it in" and react to the stimuli? DO WE? The answer is a resounding NO! We do not have to be victims, unless we choose to be victims. I will repeat that! We do not have to be victims unless we choose to be victims! It saddens me in my practice to see so many people who allow someone or something rule their emotions. Who owns your emotions? Do you? Do others? If the answer is You own your own emotions, then it is time for you to take control of them and change the choices you are making. You no longer have to be a leaf in the wind. You CAN Empower yourself to choose.


Example:

You are in a dungeon. A Dom or Master tells you that you can not do anything right. How do you feel? Well I will say you feel upset, down, misunderstood and angry. " How can he say this to me, he doesn't even know me?" "How dare he?" What do you do with those thoughts and the feelings produced by them? Well at first you must acknowledge them. Once you have done that, you are on your way to changing your victim thinking. Once you have acknowledged them, think about what was said, and think about what part you played in getting those comments. Now your cooking! You have already taken the steps to change emotions into thought. You are thinking not reacting. Your getting good at this. The next thing that you must do is weigh how important these comments are to you. So... how important are they to you? Then decide do I want to invest my energy into these feelings or thoughts? Do I want to allow someone to dictate my emotions. See the emotions as energy in motion. Now you may dismiss the feelings, and choose new thoughts. Choose not to allow this energy rule you. I like to visualize myself blowing them out of my mouth and into the cosmos. You will still have what I call "fall out". In other words, you may still feel icky. That is OK and that is normal. That will also dissipate in time. Get BUSY. Yes get busy doing something you like. When your mind goes back to the incident and you start feeling, those negative feelings say the words, Cancel, Cancel. The more practice you have the more this will work for you. Don't get discouraged. Keep working on it. It does work.

Why do we need to know this in the BDSM lifestyle?

In our lifestyle we are dealing with emotionally charged activities. We are touching areas of our brains as well as our bodies. We are looking for "the deeper" experience, or better Dom or Sub space. In so doing we are exposing ourselves to altered states of consciousness. It is therefore, better for us to be able to think in a positive and logical ways. Clear thinking, clear mind, happy experience. It is important to understand ourselves and how our minds work. It is also important to reclaim control of our thinking when we leave the BDsM "head space".

This Is a MW production 2009c written for: 411bdsm.com
If you are having emotional issues, please contact a mental health care professional in person.
We encourage comments and questions as well as personal issues. You can bring them to the blog or contact Mark at: four11bdsm@yahoo.com

Tuesday, January 13, 2009

The Topic For Today is, Anal Penitration/Sex

Attention! Attention! There will be NO Counselors Corner Today. It will return tommrrow. Stay tunned. MW.

Monday, January 12, 2009

The Topic For Today is: Slaves/Subs

Well it's Monday Morning, January 12, 2009. I thought it might be fun to discuss the similarities and differences of being a Slave and being a Submissive.
I KNOW that anything I write is subject to interpretation and to OPINIONS and to History of the lifestyle. There are "Old Timers" who see it one way, and there are "New timers" that see it other ways. Nobody needs to blow any ones head off for having their own thoughts and own way of doing something. One man's ceiling is another man's floor. So with out further delay, her we go!!!!

A-Bit- O- History

I love history. History actually forms the present and is based on experiences and practice. So....
Once upon a time, there was an entity called "The Leather Community". This community was made up mostly of sexually free, open minded people who wished to live in the way that felt comfortable for them. In the past this was a VERY BOLD position and statement. We owe "The Leather Community" much. Most likely we would not be here today, hadn't they did what they did. This community was made up of mostly Gay Males, and found in Gay establishments. Clad in Leather and loyal to their needs, wants and desires. Key word.. THEIR.
This is not to say that it was not a struggle, for it was. Again we owe that community thanks, and our respect! The bdsm movement grew out of their lifestyle. BDSM was an outgrowth of the sexual freedom movement and the Leather community.

Old Guard Rules

Words to describe the rules: Tough, Inflexible, Scary, Sexual, Demanding.
Editors note: Long ago there were was no "safe sex" many members of the Leather community were caught with their pants down for AIDS and other ST D's.
In other words, back then, THE RULES WERE THE RULES!
What was and is still kinda sweet was the formality and protocol of that lifestyle movement. Today's BDSM movement is loosely based on the protocol and discipline of the "Old Guard" movement.

Slaves in the 'Old Guard Movement

Slaves were slaves. Nothing more than a piece of furniture, a toy, a thing, a sexual reciprocal who was to obey. There was no provision for inability to perform. You simply did what you were told, or pay the consequences. If your Master told you to do oral sex on a friend of his, you did it with grace and style. Always polite, always dutiful, always on task. If someone wished to have anal sex with you and your Master commanded you to do that, you did it and you were happy about it. No attitude, no opinion, you did what you were told. Slaves were conditioned to obey. There was very little psychological thinking. Most everything was based on pleasure of the Master. If you disobeyed you were punished and hurt to the point that you were conditioned not to fail again. I do not judge those things. I am only reporting what is known of those days.

Today's slaves.

How many people today can match what was done in the "Old Guard" times? I do not believe that many people can or even try and attempt to live up to those expectations. Slaves of today are based for the most part in the Vanilla World and are slaves when time and situation dictates. Not to say that they do not know their purpose or their place 24/7 but today's world is different than long ago. Today in a two party family were both people work to maintain a household it is very hard to be a slave in total. There are children to feed and most slaves today are reality based. I do not know of to many Kemp Slaves, who do nothing but serve their owners. Those situations are few and far between. In some of those situations the " Old Guard" philosophy and practices are alive and well. On the whole, however, there has been a switch away from iron clad rules and practices. HERE IT IS! HERE IS WERE THE DEBATE BEGINS. If a slave can make choices, if a slave can say no, if a slave can at times debate and bargain with his or her Master or Mistress, Are they a slave? Are they a submissive?

Submissives

Submissives have the latitude to make decissions, have discussions, and to have safe words. Slaves do not, (according to the Old Guard) . Submissives need no permission to do anything they wish to do. They run their own lives and episodically surrender to their husbands or wives, Mistresses or Masters.

So whats the Rub.

The rub is that according to some, if you are not TOTALLY under the control 24/7 of your Master or Mistress, have no say, have no purpose but to do your duty for them, live for them and obey them 24/7 you are not a slave. You are defined as a submissive. A submissive then is defined as a player and nothing more. If you serve without the proper protocol, you are not a slave or a submissive but just a player with no purpose.

So cut off my head!

With all due respect to everyone in the lifestyle I will stick my neck out. I know it might get whapped off but I am willing to state what I believe and what I believe in.
As a mental health care provider and a slave in the present bdsm lifestyle I have my own thoughts on these issues. Slavery is a marvelous and wonderful freedom. Not many of us will ever have the opportunity to share in that TOTAL EXPERIENCE. Most of us will be called submissive by the all mighty "Authority" of the Lifestyle.
We may not know who they are and what they look like, but they are there just the same. I have been called a submissive, because I seek sane, consensual play, and when I am sick, I expect down time. When I work, I need to work at full capacity. I also do not need to EVER ! EVER! EVER! put my health in jeopardy by the will of a Master or Mistress. If this makes me a submissive, so be it.

An Enlightened View

I know who I am and what I am. My Mistress and my Heart will define for me who and what I am. Relationships of any kind need flexibility, open mindedness, balance, love, affection, and service to one another. Nothing in the BDSM lifestyle is written in stone. We all can create, label, and share our dreams and thoughts without changing who we are. For myself, within my being is a slaves heart. I am nothing more or less than a slave. My purpose is to serve and to make my Mistress happy. I respect the Dom's. Dome' Mistresses and Masters. I yield to them out of my respect for them. I do not have to be owned by them to respect them. I serve them as I would severe my own Mistress. I will kneel to them, address them with a formal protocol, for my Slaves Heart demands that of me. I demand that from myself also. Mine is a blend that works for me, works for them, and there we meet on a common ground. I also have learned when to back off and when to offer an opinion. I ask for permission to speak and to speak freely, I kneel when I serve them food or drink. I speak when spoken to. I look down unless invited to gaze on their face or look into their eyes. It is up to every ones own wants needs and desires to choose whats right for them and for their Masters or Mistresses.

Missing something?

We all are missing something in the lifestyle. We miss community, we miss love and loving and understanding each other. We are quick to judge, long on softening our ideas and positions. We are sometimes in Crisis Management and we isolate ourselves in our own small groups without extending warmth and welcome to the new comer. Sounds to me like the Vanilla world. We are not supposed to be the Vanilla World. We are the BDSM Community! We are supposed to OPEN and WILLING and LOVING! Let us all think about these things as the debate continues.

A MW. Production 2009c. written for 411bdsm.com
If you are experiencing Mental Health Issues, contact a Mental health care professional in person.
We encourage comments and questions. If you have your own personal issues please contact Mark @ four11bdsm@yahoo.com

Friday, January 9, 2009

Todays Topic is: Adult Babies

I just like to say before I start that, this fetish has nothing to do with children, babies, or abuse. The AB fetish is based in Adult Play/Role Play and is not connected with babies in any way. In fact, if this is why you are reading this, I suggest you get a good Mental Health Care professional and get help NOW!



Acceptance



I started this series on fetish behaviors with the word Acceptance. Yes...Acceptance of other's sexual behaviors and proclivities. We are all different. We all look different and we all think differently. Some of the behaviors I have seen in dungeons directed at Adult Babies is intolerable. For a group of BDSM
people to judge, harass, and reject people who are different then themselves, is sad and ironic to say the least.

We all must accept each other in our play and in our lives. We may not have to agree with one another, but let us foster the lifestyle and the openness it affords us and that we ourselves demand from the vanilla world.



Adult Babies



Ain't that a paradox? Well yes and no. On the outside, Ab's look they are in the center of a paradox being pulled both ways. On the inside they want what the slave or sub want. Mommies and Daddies in the lifestyle also want the same things that Ab's do. Ab's being no different on the inside as a slave or a sub. What they seek and want is, first acceptance to be who they are. They want CONTROL TAKEN AWAY from them. THEY WANT TO FEEL LOVED. THEY SEEK TO BE NURTURED AS WELL AS SPANKED, AND PUNISHED. THEY ALSO SEEK APPROVAL OF MOMMY OR DADDY. I hope you recognize the similarities between the BDSM Lifestyle and the AB "scene"



Play Toys



The play toys are different in the AB life than in the bdsm lifestyle. Some do cross over. Ab's use baby bottles, balls, pacifiers, plastic rings, teethe rs, and many look like items from their babyhood. Ab's dress in frocks, (like cross dressers) wear bonnets, Onesies Overalls, Short tails, plastic pants and diapers. In looks it is a far cry from the bdsm slave or sub. If we think about it, however, we will find that the bdsm slave and sub wear rubber outfits, leather straps, rings, hoods, and leather cods. If you think about it we are not so different.



Inside Fetishes



I think it is also important to mention, that inside the AB fetish there are other fetish behaviors. The wearing of diapers, the smell of rubber pants, the loss of bladder control and wetting or even messing are in what I will term fetishes inside of fetishes. I will also mention that there are many similarities in the bds life. Some of us love leather, others love rubber. As some of us like to be spanked, others like to be nurtured. Again acceptance is the key.



24/7



As some slaves or subs, Masters and Mistresses life the lifestyle 24/7, some ABS, Mommies and Daddies live the AB lifestyle in the same manner. In fact my First Dome' was a Dome' Mommy and I was forced to wear diapers and plastic pants at her command. Lifestyle living is lifestyle living. It is constant and it flows with the natural life rhythms of the Vanilla lifestyle.

Inner Journey

The AB lifestyle offers a non-violent, non-aggressive form of surrender, loss of self in the AB state of mind, peace and self acceptance. In addition the cross-over to the bdsm lifestyle offers us ALL a chance to enlarge our horizons and the scope of our lifestyle. AB offers, humiliation, loss of control, high emotional state and a head space that is very pleasant to visit.

More Fetishes

There are many more fetish behaviors to discuss. I will attempt to do just that in future articles.

Mondays article will be a very controversial article. WATCH FOR IT!

This is a MW production 2009 written for 411bdsm.com
If you are having any mental health issues, please see a mental health care professional in person
Comments, questions, concerns, or personal issues we encourage and welcome. If you wish to discuss and issue with Mark please write him at: Four11bdsm@yahoo.com




Thursday, January 8, 2009

The Fetish Of Today Is: Peircing & Cutting

I am going to lump these two Fetishes together. Different in action, yes, Psychologically different, not. The need, want, desire to cut or pierce is what is called: "Edge Play". I do agree with that explanation. Piercing and Cutting are not for the faint of heart. Again I can not stress the importance of education before action. If mistakes are made with this kind of play, the consequences can be life threatening. Some piercings and cuttings are permanent.

Piercing & Cutting

Both of these fetishes, are power trips that are expressed in absolute ways. There are many variables for both, when viewed separately. Both of these fetishes take time to learn, time to execute, and time for adjustment of the mindset of the people involved. Both of these fetishes are breath taking, and create a sense of awe in spectators, heavy excitment for the paticipants, and changes within all invloved.

History

Cutting and Piercing have been around for a very long time. Slaves have been marked, pierced and even branded throughout recorded history. Some forms of branding, piercing and cuttings, were also used as decorative additions For Kings and Queens and Royalty for many centuries. The methods used long ago were crude, unsanitary and caused many deaths by infections that could not be controlled. Even when having ears, tongues, lips, pierced in those times,simple procedures for today, literally meant taking your life into your own hands. Tribes all around the world used piercing and cutting rituals. Piercing and Cuttings are, therefore not new to our culture. What is NEW is the diseases that are active in our time. Aids, Herpes1,2,3, STDS. GET IT? When ever there are bodily fluids involved BEWARE!

How/ Cutting

Well how now brown cow? To play these games, and to do a scene we need two WILLING people. Cooperation between the Top and Bottom is essential. Communication must be exact in nature at all times. Once the people have been chosen you will need: different gauge needles, disinfectant, gauze pads, sutures for large cuttings, scalpels, knives, Novocain/ Lydocain. a consent form, a place to lay down or a chair for the subject to sit in. The "Ole" Band-Aid are also good to have around. Deepness of the cutting must be discussed with all involved, as will size of the cutting, body placement and permanence. Do not think for a minute that you can be cut at 9:00pm and be healed by 4:00 AM. Once you engage in these types of scenes, the changes are close to being permanent. The slave lays down. The Arms and legs tied to the corners of the table. Let us say that we are going to cut the arm in this scene. The Top/Master/ Mistress will run the tip of the instrument up and down the shape chosen to out line that shape and to stimulate the subject. Eventually the top will exert more pressure to create the cut and the depth of the cut. It can be painful and it can be very pleasurable for both parties. After the cutting is finished the top will apply an anti-bacterial ointment. Some anti-bacterials actually create scaring, so ask your pharmacist before purchasing the oinment of salve.

How/Piercing

The first half of the above paragraph explains the basics for piercing also.
The differences are: the insertion of the needle, duration of the time the needle is left in or taken out. Bleeding is somewhat lighter in nature. Piercings may also involve Body Jewelry. Can be very sensual, erotic, and painful for the bottom, as well as ,exhilarating for the top.

Why Piercings/Cuttings/Brandings?

Like stated before, many times, the Human Mind is an awesome and wonderful thing.
What the mind thinks up ,knows only the limits we place upon it. As fetishes are developed in our childhood and development stages, as we discover them, the drive to engage in them becomes known. If the drive is strong, we may find the desire to engage in these fetish behavior. These kinds of actions satisfy desire, sexuality, pleasure, eroticism and peace for the parties involved. Most of all playing is fun. I think we all like fun and play. Did you know that marking anyone in anyway, created bonding and pocession of that couple to one another? Well it does. Becareful who your partner at all times.

One More Warning

The area you play in should be sterile/clean.
Aids and ST D's are the gifts that keep on giving.
Staff infections of today, don't die easily
Permanent changes in mind, body and soul.
Becareful who you are playing with. KNOW THEM.

This is a MW Production 2009 written for 411bdsm.com
If you are experiencing Mental health issues, please contact a mental health care professional.
We encourage questions, comments, and personal issues directed at the blog as well as contacting MW @ four11bdsm@yahoo.com
Anonymity will be protected.