Desperate, lost, alone, scared, want, need, all make for a failed BDSM Relationship!!!!
What slave does not want what they want when they want it?
What Domme does not want what they want when they want it? I think we all want what we want when we want it. Doesn't seem so unusual. In forming a real BDSM relationship it takes time. That's right TIME! IT takes TIME! There are no shortcuts. None! I speak from experience! There are NO SHORT CUTS!
Who does not wish to be loved? Who does not want to belong? Who does not want to need and feel needed? If there are any people who say that they do not, I will tell you that underneath their EGOS they have the same needs that all people have. They may never admit to that, but they have those needs just the same.
Alone, Loss, Fear
WE ALL HATE BEING ALONE! Yes there are some of you that have gotten used to being alone, throughout your lives. Basic human nature upon birth is that we are social beings that need socialization. Put best by Barbara Streisand, "People needing People". Most of us have an inborn need to be with a companion of some kind.
After being with a Domme' for 25 years, and then alone, the loss was devastating. I was alone, Lost, afraid, and wanted someone to make it "better" I reached for anyone, anybody to help sooth the pain of my loss. What I ended up with in the long run was sadness, more loss, anger, and the fear I would never ever find anyone again. I made it worse by being fearful of being alone. There are many of us that make the same mistakes. Remember... relationships take time. The feeling of loss can not be covered over by a band-aid.
Operating out of fear or being scared will leave us being scard.
When we are in Fear or fright our minds are not working in a normal way. We are working from a fear based model and we are reactive and needy. If we are reactive and needy, in the long run what will be end up with? We end up with the scars of broken relationships, broken promises as well as broken hearts.
When we find ourselves living with the problems of our partners and of ourselves and the problems that we have actually created we become stuck. Some of us will take ABUSE in the name of Doming. Some of us will sleep with one eye opened, shaking, in worry or fear of what will happen to them next. Some will cray themselves to sleep, while believing this is the wonderful lifestyle of BDRM. Some will be controlled mentally and made to believe they mean nothing and are to be treated as they are being treated. All of this because they just can not get out. They choose to stay, rather than being alone and growing out of the quicksand they are in. I liken this behavior to the many woman who have been in an abusive relationship and are afraid to leave. They stay and are beaten over and over again. Some of them will die and be damaged for life before getting out... if they ever do.
Why? Why? Why?
I am sharing all of this with us, me included, as a reminder that this is going on, within our own web site. It goes on in the lifestyle toooo much of the time. We operate out of fear and need when logic and feelings need to be at hand. I want to hear from you if you think you are being abused in anyway. Just because someone reads some articles on the Web and says they are a Master a Mistress, a slave, or a sub, does not make it so. The stories are fiction, even the ones that say true. They are fiction in one way of another.
Form a Relationship First
Yes! Form a relationship first. FORM A RELATIONSHIP WITH YOURSELF FIRST! KNOW WHO YOU ARE AND WHAT YOU WANT. In so doing it is possible that you may just find the greatest love that you have ever dreamt about!
Mwproduction2009c written for 411bdsm.com
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