Monday, February 2, 2009

On Call Only

ON CALL ONLY.......

Due to the lack of participation here in Counselors Corner, I will be ON CALL ONLY.
If you have any issues to discuss please write to Mark Wize at: four11bdsm@yahoo.com.

I am fascinated by the lack of participation. I travel through the country to many BDSM functions. It seems that bdsm lifestylers want to learn and want to know and are explorers of knowledge and wisdom. I value my quest to know and experience and learn all that I can. I will remain a member of the site, and will work with Mistress Lynn, but for now I will remain ON CALL only. Mark Wise

Friday, January 30, 2009

Ok Here is the Deal!

EXTRA EXTRA READ ALL ABOUT IT!!!

We have a community here that are people that want to be real.
Without your participation this site will die. Without your participation
here on this blog it will soon be gone. It is up to you. Funny thing
once something is gone, then it is missed. When we have , then we '
do not value what we have.

Yesterday we asked for questions, comments, real stories and your
participation. I am wondering what it is you seek. Are you afraid to ask
questions? Are you afraid to state an opinion, make a commitment?

It is up to all of you, everyone of us has a responcibility to the
community here. It is up to you. Mark

This is a MW production 2009c written for: 411bdsm.com
Mental health problems should be brought to the atention of Mental healthcare profesionals
2009c

Thursday, January 29, 2009

IT'S YOUR TURN!

IT'S YOUR TURN!!!! 1/29/09

It is your turn. I am asking all of you to send questions , comments, concerns about the lifestyle, specific areas of the lifestyle, fetish life, mechanical questions, emotional questions and questions and topics you wish to read about. In the next few weeks I will post these questions and I will answer them. Your anonymity will be protected.
Send your questions etc. to:four11bdsm@yahoo.com
I am also searching for real bdsm stories of all types. The one requirement is: KEEP IT REAL! thank you, MARK

Counselors Corner is a MW production2009c in association with 411bdsm.com
If you are having any mental health care issues please seek profesional help inperson

Wednesday, January 28, 2009

The Topic For Today Is; NUTS! NUTS! NUTS!

Nuts! Well there are the nuts that males have, although some don't have any balls at all. There are the nuts that females have, ovaries. Then there are the nuts like peanuts, walnuts, pistachio nuts and then there is the question... "Am I nuts?" "Are we nuts?"

How many?

How many people in the bdsm lifestyle, slaves or Masters or Mistresses have at one time or another asked themselves: "Am I nuts?" "Is my partner nuts?" It is funny, but I believe at one time or another we all ask ourselves or others those questions. First a slave, I have asked myself that question more than one time. In fact, how many of you have actually taken a leave of absence from the lifestyle, only to find out, that you can not escape it, and it will not leave you? It will change with time, and will evolve. Our "lifestyle genes" will eventually come back stronger than ever before.

Back to the "nuts" or ovaries, or little nuts

Well????? we all have em don't we? I mean sexual organs. Last time I looked I had mine, do u have yours? The hormones that are produced by the testicles/male nuts and the hormones produced by the ovaries /female nuts, create Libido. Libido creates sexual drive, and determines the level of those drives. Developmental process determines, what is pleasurable and what we perceive as needs, wants, and desires. Warning. One of the interesting things about Libido and hormone levels is the fact, that there are many males and females without testicles or ovaries but they still crave the sexual life and are very sexual in nature. The reason this stands as a warning is that if you wish to shed your libido the loss of your testicles or ovaries you may not accomplish that with their removal.

The body is sneaky

The human body acts and reacts, on a self driven level at times. We call that involuntary reaction. Heart beats, lungs breath, kidney's filter. We do not have to think about those things, they happen on their own. It is also the case with the brain. It creates hormones in the adrenal glands and hypo-thalamus. When the body looses something it will try to recreate it somewhere else in the body. The body can never catch up to the levels of hormones lost by castration male or female, but it will adjust itself and hormones can and will be produced.

Evolution

The question evolves into this: Am I nuts? or Am I comfortable inside of my mind, heart and soul, and body? If you are in the lifestyle, and you are content, well adjusted, not in conflict or crisis management, then are you nuts? I would say not. If you are in the lifestyle and your relationships harm your well being, you hate yourself and everyone around you, your mental state is out of control, and you can't decide to stay or go, but you stay. Yes ! You need help. Nuts... nah!!! Human. Yes!

AMWproduction2009c written for, 411bdsm.com 2009c
If you are having mental health care issues, go and see a mental health care provider.
We encourage comments and questions and concerns to this collum. If you would like to contact Mark, please contact him at four11bdsm@yahoo.com

Tuesday, January 27, 2009

The Topic For Today Is: "What's it all About?"

What is it "all" about? What I am asking is what is the BDsM lifestyle all about? Do you know? What are your beliefs about the lifestyle? Do you really want to know?

Do you really know? Have you studied, been mentored, taught, trained, have an open mind? Sorry to say that several records and surveys indicate that the answer is a resounding NO to many of these questions. So we get to the lifestyle by chance for most of us. We learn from one another and we also learn by surfing Internet sites. For some, they are drawn to the lifestyle. Most of the people who have been in the lifestyle for a long time have developed a certain "quality" and "wisdom" and "calmness" about them. New people have illusions and excitement, and Hormones a flow- in. LOL!

What me study?

A resounding YES! Yes we study! We read books on slavery, being a Master a Mistress a sub or switch, learning, evolving, growing. BDSM is alive! It is not a game. No, do not get me wrong, BDSM is fun, and very stimulating, but let us not fail to learn, grow and evolve. When I came to the lifestyle all I wanted to do was learn, learn, learn. I read all the books about the lifestyle. I discussed my thoughts and feelings, my needs, wants and desires. I went from classroom to classroom, keeping my mouth gagged and my ears open. I found that learning and study about the lifestyle is as seductive as the lifestyle itself.

Whats it about?

Many people , from people in the lifestyle to others who are not, seem to focus on the acts of hitting, humiliation, or other "bizarre" behaviors. Some focus on the obedience and the rules and the dress and toys of the lifestyle. Very few get the message of what the lifestyle is truly about.
You can bet your sweet butt that If I am going to be tied to a St. Andrews Cross and being prepared for a scene or a punishment, I am going to have to have TRUST in the person who holds the whip or paddle. So part of the answer is TRUST! Here are some of the other elements that should be present in your lifestyle relationships and play: Love, sexuality, compassion, purpose, understanding, knowledge and some common sense.
That is a picture worth knowing about and holding on to.

Personal note.

Once upon a time I was a real slave. No bull, no crap, a real slave who was to be naked on entering my house, and on call 24/7 in service to my Mistress /wife. It took several years to create the relationship we shared. Our relationship was strong and lasted for 32 years. As we grew we began to disconnect as husband and wife and soon we would separate as Mistress and slave. What we had done was to rest in what we had, creating "static". With many relationships not growing, not evolving, not learning, and not playing creates boredom and stagnancy. We can not stay still in a relationship. We either grow, learn, and keep our relationships fresh and exciting or we find ourselves unhappy and alone.
My wife eventually met a young male of 28, she was 42 and I soon became her cuckold. When our relationship was coming to an end I was castrated, (in the lifestyle) by my Wife and Mistress. My testicles were given to her new slave and I was abandon. I had failed to evolve, to grow, to study, to learn, and to be exciting. I had fallen into the "comfort zone". She, however, wanted more of what we had shared in our first 32 years of our relationship. All has worked out, and even today, everyday, I study, I explore, I examine, and I keep each day a new day and an exciting day. That is what I find as the answer to: Whats it all about? I would be interested t know what you think. MW.

This is a MW production2009c, written and produced for: 411bdsm.com
If you are having mental health care issues, please seek out professional help, in person.
We encourage comments, questions and suggestions.
If you would like to contact Mark for any Private issues including relationship issues, bdsm issues please contact him at four11bdsm@yahoo.com



Monday, January 26, 2009

The Topic For Today is: Desperate

Desperate, lost, alone, scared, want, need, all make for a failed BDSM Relationship!!!!

Want
What slave does not want what they want when they want it?
What Domme does not want what they want when they want it? I think we all want what we want when we want it. Doesn't seem so unusual. In forming a real BDSM relationship it takes time. That's right TIME! IT takes TIME! There are no shortcuts. None! I speak from experience! There are NO SHORT CUTS!

Needs
Who does not wish to be loved? Who does not want to belong? Who does not want to need and feel needed? If there are any people who say that they do not, I will tell you that underneath their EGOS they have the same needs that all people have. They may never admit to that, but they have those needs just the same.

Alone, Loss, Fear

WE ALL HATE BEING ALONE! Yes there are some of you that have gotten used to being alone, throughout your lives. Basic human nature upon birth is that we are social beings that need socialization. Put best by Barbara Streisand, "People needing People". Most of us have an inborn need to be with a companion of some kind.

Loss

After being with a Domme' for 25 years, and then alone, the loss was devastating. I was alone, Lost, afraid, and wanted someone to make it "better" I reached for anyone, anybody to help sooth the pain of my loss. What I ended up with in the long run was sadness, more loss, anger, and the fear I would never ever find anyone again. I made it worse by being fearful of being alone. There are many of us that make the same mistakes. Remember... relationships take time. The feeling of loss can not be covered over by a band-aid.

Scared/Fear

Operating out of fear or being scared will leave us being scard.
When we are in Fear or fright our minds are not working in a normal way. We are working from a fear based model and we are reactive and needy. If we are reactive and needy, in the long run what will be end up with? We end up with the scars of broken relationships, broken promises as well as broken hearts.

Stuck

When we find ourselves living with the problems of our partners and of ourselves and the problems that we have actually created we become stuck. Some of us will take ABUSE in the name of Doming. Some of us will sleep with one eye opened, shaking, in worry or fear of what will happen to them next. Some will cray themselves to sleep, while believing this is the wonderful lifestyle of BDRM. Some will be controlled mentally and made to believe they mean nothing and are to be treated as they are being treated. All of this because they just can not get out. They choose to stay, rather than being alone and growing out of the quicksand they are in. I liken this behavior to the many woman who have been in an abusive relationship and are afraid to leave. They stay and are beaten over and over again. Some of them will die and be damaged for life before getting out... if they ever do.

Why? Why? Why?

I am sharing all of this with us, me included, as a reminder that this is going on, within our own web site. It goes on in the lifestyle toooo much of the time. We operate out of fear and need when logic and feelings need to be at hand. I want to hear from you if you think you are being abused in anyway. Just because someone reads some articles on the Web and says they are a Master a Mistress, a slave, or a sub, does not make it so. The stories are fiction, even the ones that say true. They are fiction in one way of another.

Form a Relationship First

Yes! Form a relationship first. FORM A RELATIONSHIP WITH YOURSELF FIRST! KNOW WHO YOU ARE AND WHAT YOU WANT. In so doing it is possible that you may just find the greatest love that you have ever dreamt about!

Mwproduction2009c written for 411bdsm.com
If you are having any Mental health care issues, please contact a mental health care professional, in person
We encourage comments and questions to 411bdsm.com
If you would like to email Mark please do so at: four11bdsm@yahoo.com

Thursday, January 22, 2009

The Topic for Today Is: Emotions/Feelings

Feelings are not right are wrong, they are feelings. Emotions are nothing more of less than Energy-n-Motion. These are powerful statements. We shall look at these subjects today.

Feelings

So what are the major feelings. Well there is: sadness, glad, happy, anger, fear, depression and hate. There are many sub areas of feelings. All of our feelings come from one place. Clinically speaking, feelings come from our brains. We can carry that to the heart center too, but feelings are generated by chemicals reacting to stimuli in the brain. Feelings are no more or less than thoughts. POWERFUL THOUGHTS!

Motivation

Feelings motivate us to act. Feelings motivate us to act in certain ways. In the lifestyle, seeing as we are intensifying our consciousness we must be aware of, how we are feeling. The key word for feeling and action is balanced. You do not want to scene when you are angry. Anger is one of the most powerful emotions. Anger is also known as an unbridled emotion. I have had one experience with an Angry Mistress and the results where not pleasant for me, and the aftermath was not pleasant for her either. The best time to play is when we are in the emotional middle ground. BALANCED.

Emotions

To Emote our feelings is to "give off" certain signals that others can feel, see, and detect. When we enter a dungeon or play space it is always best to "Feel" out the situation before we play. Do you feel safe, comfortable?, "at home"? Are you afraid?
Are you anxious? Are the people friendly and warm? Do you feel a part of, rather than alone. All of these emotions should be felt, observed, and acted upon accordingly.

Are you the Master of your Emotions?

Most of us are not the Masters of our emotions. Even the Masters are not totally in charge of how they handle their feelings. I hear a lot of people saying, "She made me feel". "He made me feel". These statements tell us and show that the people saying these things have no concept of them being the Master of their own feelings. You can choose how you feel with work, concentration, and desire. For us in the lifestyle it is a good idea to master our feelings, realize that they are thoughts and that we can control them. Eventually we can actually decide how we wish to feel.

Concusion
We live everyday with our feelings. Like anything, feelings can be controled, modulated and molded. It is up to all of us to become reponcible about how we use and show our feelings.

WARNING!
IF YOU PLAY WHEN YOU ARE ANGRY, YOU WILL BE PUTTING ALL PLAYERS IN JEOPARDY.

this is an MW production2009c written and published for 411bdsm.com
If you are having mental issues please contact a health care professional in person
We encourage comments, questions and your thoughts.
If you have personal lifestyle issues contact Mark at four11bdsm@yahoo.com