Wednesday, December 31, 2008

The Topic Of For Today Is: Happy New Year!

We will be Down until Monday January 5, 2009

Tuesday, December 30, 2008

The Topic of Today is: Mind Games

" WAIT UNTIL YOUR FATHER GETS HOME!" The child cowers, he or she is feeling scared. The thoughts in the child's head grows. He runs to his mother. Mommy don't tell on me please don't! The mother stares, in anger, at the child. "WAIT UNTIL YOUR FATHER COMES HOME!" Once more the child begs his mother, don't tell on me please, I won't do it again... honest. Mom is very angry now and says, " If you don't stop bothering me, it will be worse for you". Wait until your father hears what you did". The child goes away and ponders his fate. The waiting will be worse than the punishment.

Did you know???

Did any of us know that what Mom did was a Mind fuck? Kinda funny now to look back at those times. I was not a good child, always in mischief and always "up to something all the time". How about you? Ever sit in the Principals office? They made you wait before you went in to see him or her. More Mind Screwing. In a holding cell at a local jail waiting for bail for driving while drunk... more waiting.


Waiting allows the mind to conjure up all kinds of Pictures of pain, discomfort, consequences and the illusion of FEAR. The mind, being so powerful, will try and reason the situation out. When there are to many unknowns the mind goes into the fear mode. All things become larger than life and the mind then moves into the Red Alert Mode. Red Alert! Red Alert! Red Alert! Once the Red Alert alarm goes off, the mind takes us to the panic mode and then finally to the terror mode. For some of us that terror can be a sensual and erotic experience. It can be a "total turn on".


The Domme' and Master have many devices to create a good mind fuck. The blind fold, gag, ear plugs, caging, isolation, temperature, all offer the Master and Domme' an opportunity to control sensory input. When sensory input is cut off from the brain, the brain goes through the same steps mentioned above. The end result is Red Alert ,panic and them possibly terror. The Adrenal Gland takes off in high gear and creates many kinds of body responses. I have seen people urinate or even defecate on themselves out of total panic and terror.

This Is No Joke!

Mind Fuck is not something to play with. I am not saying don't use it in your bdsm life. What I am saying is think it through. Plan the scene. Talk about it with your partner. Make sure, that the game does not trigger out of control behaviors and consequences we are not prepared to deal with. Monitor your play subject or partner throughout the experience. A Good Mind Fuck can be a wonderful experience and can create as much stimulation as a good beating.

Most of us.

Most of us are in to much of a rush to do a scene or to play. When we play with someones mind we MUST be aware that these exercises are far reaching. I call attention to the total experience. If the experience is bringing pleasure or even long term pleasure on some level ,then it is a good thing. If the behaviors and scenes we do with out partners cause long term mental problems, or uncontrollable responses, it is time to step back, slow down and think it through. If you are interested in this subject I would suggest reading and learning about it before engaging in this type of play.

If you are experiences any emotional issues, please seek out in person mental health care.
This is a MW production 2008c published and written by MW Productions for, 411bdsm
We encourage questions and comments.
If you have personal questions we will protect your anonymity.

Monday, December 29, 2008

The Topic For Today is: Hard On's -You Can't Go Back!

What? has he lost his mind? Hard Ons? What in God's name is he thinking?

The Answers:

No I have not lost my mind!
Yes, Hard Ons!
and... I am thinking about the effects "penile thinking has on us, and what the results can be from thinking with the wrong Head or Clitoris.

On Television and in the Movies.

On Television and in the movies, they have a new device. The device they have introduced to us is something that the writers and directors call the re-do.
When things go wrong or get out of hand, the story line changes into a nightmare and some how, the characters get to have re-do. They get to go back in time, before the nightmare and re-do whatever they have done wrong. Well.... you and I both know that this does not happen in real life. Especially in our sex lives. If we look at the cases of Aids, unwanted pregnancies, and damaged people through abuse ,we can see that re-Do's are fairy tails in real life. " Fractured Fairy tails".

What is Clitoris and Dick Brain ?

We should all know what Clitoris and Dick brain are. We all have experienced it more than once. Even New Born's' fondle themselves. Let's face the facts. SEX IS VERY POWERFUL! The director of sex, the brain, is tuned to pro-create at all costs.
Sex is the most powerful force we have, number one being the desire for life.
Dick Brain and Clitoris Brain are so strong that at times reason, logic, and feelings of right and wrong are a forgone conclusion. Nothing matters until we have orgasm. Let me be clear. Nothing Matters until we have orgasm. Once the proper pieces of the sexual puzzle are put into place and the sequence is started, it is very likely that one will achieve his or her goal of Orgasm.

So whats the big deal?

The big deal is this. As a cent ion being we have a responsibility to our sexual partners and our sexual community. There are no free passes given for damaging others, or our selves. There are no re-Do's and I am sorry becomes meaningless after the damage is done. Emotional damage, permanent physical damage, UN-wanted life's being brought into the world, spiritual damage are to high of a price to pay just for a quickie.
Relationships lost ruined, changed forever, on a SEXUAL WHIM. IT IS NO WAY TO LIVE! In some cases it is A WAY TO DIE, or to kill our spirit.

BDSM and a Hard Penis and Clit

Being in the lifestyle is a blessed way to live. It is a choice for some and a need for others. In fact, being in the lifestyle gives us even more responsibility, not less.
Sexual Freedom is not free at all. There are Dungeon rules, boundaries, self imposed limits, safe words, to protect us. Believe it or not, there is order in the seemingly confused atmosphere of a bdsm party, Dungeon, private party or just playing with our partners. The word that can keep us safe is: RESPONSIBILITY!

A Short Story.
Being a therapist/counselor has allowed me to see things on many levels. Do not think for a minute that I don' like wreck- less abandon. I love to play. I love to be irresponsible. I love to run around a-muck. That is why they call me spankey. I am full of mischief and fun.
Here is what I have learned in the last several years.
Once upon a time, I was married to a lovely woman. She was my Dome'and Mistress and wife. She was my High School sweetheart and a second generation Dome' We had 2 beautiful kids, a nice house, 2 sport cars in the garage and all the "stuff" that most of us want. I had a great Job and I was privileged to work at a large Hospital. What could be better? I am a " slave heart" and I was trained and brought into the lifestyle by her when I was 16 and she was 17yrs old. I was seduced you might say. I carried her books home, did her homework for her, cleaned her room, and treated her like the Goddess she seemed to be. If I did not, I wasn't allowed to see her, take her out, or even get a kiss. I Loved her so much that I obeyed her. Ah.... life was grand. We had many friends in the lifestyle and all was going along wonderfully. As a Male one of the fantasies (that some males have) that I had was that of being Castrated. Yes Castrated. In fact some Mistresses will take their slaves testicles as a prize. I started reading stories about that from the Internet. I also was reading about Cuckolding. For some strange reason that also turned me on. My wife soon became interested in the subjects I was reading about. She found them hot and sexy.

What Happened

What happened was that my Penis was doing the thinking. Her Power and her Clitoris
were thinking for her. Get it? Do you Get it? My lovely Dom me' decided to find a young hot bod at the local Dungeon and cuckold me. You must remember I was hers, addicted to her ,needed her, wanted her, and I could not live without her.
I went along with the Cuckolding. IT CHANGED OUR WHOLE RELATIONSHIP
I became the third wheel. I was now shut out. My wife began to talk to her new slave about Castrating me. That is correct. Real! NOT GO BACK EVER, CASTRATION!
My wife decided that, she wanted to proceed. I DID NOT! On the thought of her leaving me, I agreed . I do not justify that here. Nor do I recommend it or approve of it. I am telling you what happens when your Penis or Clitoris becomes who you are and dictates your actions.

Now What?

Being ADDICTED to your partner is dangerous! Needing rather than wanting is different. Be careful.
I needed her so badly that I obeyed an insane command to do what I was told. Taken to a Veterinarian, drugged, strapped to a metal table, Local anesthetic given. Within the terror, being played with until I was going to orgasm. Then as I came, ( I know this sounds like fiction, but truth is stranger than fiction) my testicles dropped into a metal tray. I blacked out and woke up in my bedroom.


Well it ain't pretty. I became infected. Lost my Scrotum. Lost my wife, (she ran off with her new stud slave.) Almost lost my penis from infection. I now get many Urinary Tract Infections and when they occur I wear incontinent pants. I can function with the help of Viagra, and Hormone Gels.

Why did I share this.
I shared my story of Penis thinking, Power thinking, Clitoris thinking because it is DANGEROUS! Yes it is fun and it is exciting. THE CONSEQUENCES MAY CHANGE YOUR LIFE FOREVER. BE CAREFUL OUT THERE!
If just one person who reads this has a better understanding why mental health is so important, and that being responsible to one another and to ourselves, then it was worth sharing my story with you.

If you are having any mental health issues, please contact an in person mental care professional.
This is an MW production written in cooperation with 411bdsm
We encourage questions, personal questions, and personal stories.
Your anonymity will be protected.
MW productions2008c

Saturday, December 27, 2008

The topic for today is: Alternative Medicine

On the way to work today I was thinking of the words, alternative and medicine. Thinking of what alternative medicine has become here in the USA. Now I know that for some alternative medicine is the place to turn. I also know that I would seek out any treatment that would work for me too.

In Western main stream culture the definition to alternative medicine is: Asking questions to you're Doctor. Not holding Doctors up on pedestals. Think about it this way. We are the customers, they are the suppliers. Always, Always, remember it is called the 'Practice of Medicine". Doctors practice on us.

If you are having emotional issues, please contact a mental health care professional in person.
This is an MK production 2008c written for 411bdsm
We welcome comments and questions and stories. You will protect your anonymity

Friday, December 26, 2008

Topic of The Day Is: Depth

Depth, or How deep does "it" go? Does anybody know what I am referring to? I sometimes wonder about the depth of someones love, commitment, dedication, belief systems and even morals. How deep are these for all of us, will determine who we are and how we relate to one another and how we relate to the the lifestyle.


There are 10 male subs, or male slaves for every 2 Domme's. Statistics are bleak at best for the male slave and sub. In some areas, subs and slaves get to play but that is as far as it will ever ever go. Female subs and slaves have also entered the picture in Lesbian and bi relationships in the lifestyle also. The statistics are better, but not very good either. For every 10 Female subs or slaves, there are 4 Domme's-female. If we look to the Masters-Male we find that there are 6 out of 10 placed female subs or slaves. Much better here, but still not the ideal. In the area of Male to Male, the numbers shift again to an 8 out of 10 "Hook Up". The statistics are gathered from lifestyle readings and surveys. I don't know how real they are, but they still give us the idea of what is going on. Why is this important?


We the bdsm lifestyle-rs know that bdsm comes in many flavors. The flavors are: I NEED the lifestyle in my life. It is a CELLULAR desire. I have a SLAVES HEART. I need to be a Master or Mistress. That is linked to the I want to be a sub, a slave, a Master, a Mistress, an owner. Then we find the "players". I can live with it, I can live without it kinda people. NO JUDGMENT HERE. " I CALLS THEM AS I SEES THEM!"


There are many of us who have tried to take a Vanilla Male or Female and bring them into the lifestyle. What I find in my own practice, and hear about from others in the field of ALT. Relationships is this. Many of us...going in... are so desperate to find the "One" that we tell ourselves: She will change when we are together. He will get used to being my slave when he has more time. Another miss-belief is I can live without the lifestyle, it will be OK. I can assure you it will not be alright, unless both parties have lifestyle needs, wants, and desires. The DEPTH of slavery, Subdum, Mistress-dum and Master-dum are too deep for the lifestyle partner. The Vanilla finds that he or she has gotten more than what he or she bargained for and the relationship goes into a tailspin.


I find that bdsm life and the lifestyle to be CELLULAR. It is all to REAL as a NEED. It doesn't have to define you, but it is a large part of who we are. I also find, that the needs we have will not be swept under the floor, or moved off into a closet.
When we try to sweep it away, it will return, stronger than ever before. ( I'd like to know if anyone can relate to this?)

Now What?
Choose your bdsm partners carefully. That means care for you partner enough and try to understand who they are and what they are about. When you read Internet Stories about, Male Domination/Female Domination, Erotica, consider the source. Is it real? A two hour spanking and flogging is whip! ouch! ouch! in a story, but it is "more powerful than a speeding bullet" in real life. IT HURTS!....OUCH!!!!! Once again learn about who your partner is. Allow your partner to learn who you are. Most important is: KNOW WHO YOU ARE AND WHAT YOUR NEEDS WANTS AND DESIRES ARE! In so doing maybe we can change the statistics and the DEPTHS of our relationships.

If you are having any mental health issues, please seek professional council, in person.
This is a MK production2008c
Published and written for: 411bdsm
We encourage comments, personal stories, personal issues. Anonymity will be protected.

Wednesday, December 24, 2008

Topic For Today is: Neuro Jam

Long ago, well not that long ago.... At a dungeon, playing, and drinking and having fun. I sat down next to a man that had been in the lifestyle for several years. Most of the "players" in the club had many drinks, or whatever and it was at times noticeable.
The man, Sir was amazed at this phenomena. He could not understand why people wanted to jam up their senses, when bdsm is a tactile and sensory experience . He began to explain something called "texture".


As Sir continued, he spoke about and compared, Transmitter Surfaces, in terms that a dress maker, or Tailor would understand. As wool is coarse, as hair on the body can be coarse. Smooth as Silk, to touch and to feel, inner thighs, the nape of the neck. I think you get the picture here.
He continued by talking with us about the ultimate bdsm experience. He spoke of not De-sensitizing but of sensitizing the bdsm experience. I spoke of the "textures" of touch, feeling, and even smelling". He pointed out that bdsm is a time to use the mind to heighten the experience.

Lilly Tomlin
For the " youngsters" out there, we used to watch a TV show called Laugh In. It was a show of cutting edge jokes and skits, that pushed the limits of the NBC sensors. It was an awesome show and for many years the ratings were very high. There was a segment on that show where Lilly Tomlin was dressed up as an old switchboard ma- rm. Sitting there answering calls, that she would then transfer by hardwired to a hole in the PBX board. As more calls came in, more wires had to be moved. Eventually the switchboard would blow up from the overload. Lilly used to say, " One Ringie Dingie" "Two Ringie Dingie" "three".... After the PBX board blew up she would turn to face the camera with black soot on her face.It was a great skit. Our brain, our PBX boards are no different than that. If we jam up our senses we can not have the ultimate experience that we seemingly want.

The Idea

We started with Neuro-Jam and that switchboard represents our brains. There are many kinds of Neuro-Jam. Overload of the senses include: Stress, worry, anxiety, anger, and fear, and can and do jam up our Neuro Sockets. To be released from those Neuro Blockers some of us will turn to substances that they think will "set them free". The problem is, the substances we use confuses the Neuro-Senders and Receivers, and cause blockage to the Sensory Motor System.


Sir had gathered a nice crowd of people around him by this time. He was asking the members of the club why they needed to jam up the feelings that they were experiencing, rather than trying to enhance their experiences.

A Slave Girl said, " I don't like the pain of it all, so I drink to numb myself up a bit.
I was thinking, if she doesn't like the pain, maybe she needs to find a Sensual Master rather than the one she has.
A Male Slave said," I don't really know. It comes with the territory".
I wondered, does it come with the territory, or is it what we make of it?
A Mistress and a Master stated, " I do it because it feels good, and we can!"
I was most disturbed by that. I was trusting someone with a whip in their hands and my welfare, and I knew they were not in control of their Motor Nerves and skills, or their Sensory Nerves. I felt like hiding.

Final Thoughts

I too have drank to dull myself up. I even used at one point Emelia cream on my legs and Ass. I wanted to make my Mistress so very proud of me. It was a dungeon party. Whenever, anyone plays, a group will gather. I wanted them to think I was the best slave and that I could take it. Anyone out there ever feel that way? Well I took 3 full sessions and was still able to take more. My Mistress was very proud! The crowd went nuts and cheered me. I felt like a hero. Well.....errrr.....I felt like .....well I felt like a cheater and a liar. It wasn't real! I know that now.

Stripped Naked

On return home one evening, after getting naked and setting the table. I knelt at M' Ladies feet. I used my eyes to signal her that I need to talk. After what seemed like hours , she asked me to tell her what was going on. I confessed what I had done.
She looked into my eyes forever. Here is what she said, "First off you will be punished. "Second, your motive was pure, your actions were not." She added, "How dare you drink and use chemicals on or in my body. That is MY body not yours . "Do You Understand?" I nodded yes and looked down at the floor.
Further she said, "Your punishment is simply this". I will not play or touch you for 2 months, on top of that, I am banishing you to your room for 1 week. You will only come out to serve me and do your chores. OUCH! Hurt like a wasp sting, right in my heart. I asked permission to leave and I went off to my room.

I know today, be real, heighten the moment, don't diminish it, know your place, and value what you have. Life is simpler that way now, isn't it? MK


If you are having any mental health problems, consult (in person ) a mental care worker.
This is an MK production 2008c and is written for
Bdsm411 and MK encourage questions comments and your own experiences.
Anonymity is respected.

Tuesday, December 23, 2008

Touch, Touching

When I think back on my days in High School, all I wanted to do was to "cop a feel"! Sound familiar? In my life today all I want to do is COP a FEEL. LOL:) What I mean by this is, I have learned, and I also teach, (touch therapy) that touching and feeling on a physical level is it's own language. Touching is a very intimate act if done properly. Properly!!!!! Get out of here! Properly! Nah! You mean to tell me that I have been touching my slave, my Master, my Mistress, my Wife in incorrect ways?

Correct / Incorrect:
Never! There is no way to touch someone in a wrong way, assuming, that everyone involved is OK with us being in their space, and both parties agree on the touching and play involved. Again; There is no way to touch someone in a wrong way, assuming, that everyone involved is OK with us being in their space, and both parties agree on the touching and play involved. Respecting one another and one anothers space is a necessity!

A Different Language
The fascination of touch therapy, offers us a chance to explore and to feel new and more intense and meaningful moments in our sexual lives. Touch therapy also brings with it, anticipation, stimulation, thought, a meditative state, a calming and bliss. I like the bliss part best. Bliss is the result of the culmination of all the components when we put them together.

Just Think About It.
As human beings we are all made up of electrical impulses, signals from one part of the body to the others. We are all joined with fiber, muscles, ligaments, cartilage, blood, veins and connective tissue. What we all share are the millions of nerve sensors placed all over our magnificent machine. If we stop and think what we can sense at any one time, it makes current technology seem dwarfed. The issue is, we do not take the time to use the sensors that are placed in our bodies and on our bodies to the fullest extent, or even to a lesser extent. We as humans are result orientated. Getting there is what we do. "Man the sails", and "Are we there yet" are common problems for all of us.

Enjoy The Journey!

Sit down, across from your partner. Cross legged is best, but pick a position that works for you both. Naked is better than clothed. Be patient~! Extend one hand to each other. One of you begin to look and study the hand you hold. There is much detail in the most powerful instrument in the world...'the human hand". Hold it, feel it, look into the persons eyes with some kind of deeper thought and intensity. Massage the fingers, the joints in the fingers, palm, skin. Now switch and allow your partner to do the same. Close your eyes, float away, dream and feel. Focus on the touch of the other persons hand and it's movements. Focus on what you are doing and the feelings you are having. Remember be patient. Next on to the face. Focus your touch with small circular motions. Start at the forehead and massage , in round circles. Work with the lines in the brow, touch them, allow your fingers to explore them, massage them. The eye lids, ears, cheeks all have thousands of sensory nerve bodies. Move up to the scalp, behind the ears, pet lightly, explore the textures of the skin. Look at one another and feel the intensity building. Whew!

You Gets What You Pays For!

That's right, you get back what you put into the Touch Method. You may also find a good book on Tartaric Yoga or The Cascara's. All of these methods work if you work with them. Our lifestyle on many levels commands us to be the best communicators and touchers in the world. As the comercial on TV used to say, several years ago, "Try It" "You ll Like It!"

If you are experiencing emotional problems please contact a health care professional.
M.K productions provides articles for: 411

This is an MK production 2008c

Comments, questions and personal issues and are welcome. mk

Monday, December 22, 2008

Illusive - "This thing called Love"

Just three more days until Christmas. Did you know that at Christmas there are more Emergency room visits for depression than at any other time of the year? A feeling of being lost, confusion, anxiety, panic attacks loom large in our lives. To me that is a sad fact. I have worked the Emergency Department and I can tell you that this plays itself our each year.

You may ask, so? You may ask what this has to do with the lifestyle? The so, is, it affects us also. Loved ones, partners, children, wives, husbands all are affected by the malaise of depression and moods that others feel. We often seem lost and don't know what to tell a loved one, a friend, what to do. We can become lost ourselves if not aware. So???? So, what then is the answer?

The Answer:
The answer comes in the form of something that we don't talk about much in the lifestyle. We may profess it, we may give it lip service, or we may not talk about it at all. We surely need to show it,in a recognizable way, but yet we don't. We say we do, but all indications are we don't. The missing element is a pulic show of LOVE! "The Cure" is LOVE. Illusive yes! Complicated yes! Worth everything we can do to show and practice Love, YES! Partners allow one another to assume it, and don't say the words, "I LOVE YOU" enough!

Most of the people who visit the Emergency Rooms, feel unloved, not worth anything, a lone, and especially UN-loved. Our own meeting rooms in the lifestyle have single men and woman unaccepted by anyone in the room. The most important thing in the lifestyle,as I was taught, is the acceptance and Love of others. Getting outside of ourselves to say "hi,"like to meet you," or "come join us," sit down and get to know us," or, " tell us about yourself". All of these words can actually save a life, a soul or even a world.

When Love is left out of our lifestyle on a community level, and then left out with out expressing to a partner or even another player, we are the losers. We become inside of ourselves, living in an illusion, a lonely illusion, an unloving illusion.

A Story of Love
I am not a stranger to the lifestyle. I have a Dome'that I love. We play and have played many times at home in the Dungeon and at private parties. On a trip to the Dungeon she mentioned to me she would like my God Mother Dome'to work with me. I was OK with that, ( Like I had a choice. LOL!) Anyway I was hoisted up on the Saint Andrews Cross, I was actually undressed right there by my Dome'. I usually undress myself. I was then told that Miss Lori was going to do the honors.

The conference:
The two Dome's had a conference, right in front of me. I could hear snippets of what was being said. I was very excited and yet scared. I was told that this was to be a punishment session. (Sh-t) It began with a flogger and ended up with, the Evil Stick. I was welted, bruised and worn. I hurt and I was crying like a child by the time they were done with me. I also had that feeling that I crave so much. You might have experienced it yourself.

What kept me going?
What kept me going was the petting, the affectionate touching, their caring and the love that they kept showing me. Miss Lori took the time to let me know I was loved and that she wanted me to be happy and how happy I was making her. My wife stepped up several times to inspect her slave, but she also was inspecting her loving partner and she showed this to me. I often try and tell Vanilla's that it's not about the whipping or the hitting, or being tied up. It is about the Love which is made up of trust, care, sensitivity, and knowing that I belong, that I matter. Even though the tears flowed freely for all to see and my breathing was that of a hysterical child... I knew... I knew.... I was loved and I belonged.


The aftercare was wonderful. I was kissed and hugged and a tremendous amount of affection and expressions of love were part of the experience. I find that my mind can allow me to take the pain, (which I need) to keep me disciplined and in line, for the LOVE that is returned in kind.


I know this colum is new. I know you do not know me, nor do I know you. I ask for your comments and your own experiences as well as personal questions to be shared so we all can grow in this marvelous journey called the BDSM Lifestyle. MK

Anyone experiencing mental health issues or problems, please contact a local mental health care professional
This is an MK production, written for: 411bdsm
Any comments, questions, experiences are welcome. Anonymity will be honored.

Friday, December 19, 2008

The Counselor Has Gone Fishing

Due to the weekend and circumstances that I have no control over ( I crashed a hard drive) We will be back Monday 12/29/08 . Have a great and safe weekend. MK

Thursday, December 18, 2008

Know Yourself

Kinda think that you know yourself? I believe that the common line is, " sure I know myself". Now take a minute and think about that for a while. "Sit down take your shoes off and set a spell". Think! Think! Think! What do you know about you?

Well, let's see. I know I am a male, I have needs. Sometimes I wish to be in another place, another time, doing something else. I love the BDSM lifestyle and I love to live it all the time. I like Pizza, Hot Dogs, Ice Cream. I was verbally abused when I was a child. I was left behind. I felt inferior as a child. I feel unloved at times and even unwanted. Get the picture?

We must know ourselves first before being able to share, "The deep dark places" and the secrets that we hide. I often used to think, "If they really knew Me, really knew me, I'd be locked up in a Mental Institution. Know your weak points and know your strengths.

BDSM can be a wonderful JOURNEY and is not just a destination.

If we know ourselves we bring ourselves to the table. What do you bring to the table? What does your partner bring to the table? The key for unlocking ourselves to ourselves is, self honesty. The key to unlocking our partner is intimacy.

In my practice, I have seen many couples who struggle with evolution and change in their relationships. It may seem very strange for lifestyle-rs to struggle, but I assure you it is not. I find that several BDSM life- style-rs and players think that after you find the right person, the evolution, of the relationship is over. We seem to think, the journey is finished. The fact is, that the journey must continue.

It starts with knowing who you are, what you are made of, what your needs are, wants, and desires. Further the journey must continue and resolution must be brought to your "dark places" our "secrete places" for us to grow and maintain a true relationship and a mental balance. Do you know who you are? Remember this is a journey, but every journey starts with investigation, awareness, and change. It is not easy but it is worth the love and peace that you will foster in your lives.


Wednesday, December 17, 2008

Topic For Today is: Listening

Can you HEAR Me? Can you HEAR Me Now? When I think about this phase, part of our pop culture, I believe that it really needs some thought. Are you listening? More often I find that we do not listen to ourselves, our instincts, our hearts, we do not listen to our partners, or others. We do not listen. If we listen, it is sloppy, and we hear what we "think" we hear, not what is being said.

There is hearing and then there is listening! Most of us hear, but most of us hear sound rather than meaning. Listening is digesting the meaning along with the sound.
Many people I work with in Relationship Therapy have learned to filter out the meaning of things. They choose not to connect to, or be responsible for. That is a sad fact. In my life I also find the filters turn themselves off when they need to be on.

We are dealing once again, with emotions, feelings, and now we can add actions.
When we fall in love, begin a relationship, become excited, our Ego Boundaries fall. It is during that time when a connection happens. For some it happens in seconds, for others it takes more time, however, the person is still feeling and still is "Open". Ego
Boundaries are the very walls that protect us. Here, they have fallen away to allow someone close to us. At this time we are vulnerable. As human beings we are designed to pro-create. This is the beginning of that process.

Dick and Jane are at the local Dungeon. She has been watching him for several weeks, He most likely hasn't noticed her. If he has, he may feel restless and for the male it then becomes, (what I call) the how to. How do I get to meet her, to know her, gee she sure looks great! On her part she has butterflies darting in and out of her stomach, clammy hands, and her respiration is way up. Pheromones are pouring out of both parties. Signals going off everywhere. It will only take a short time for them to notice one another. Once they find themselves talking, they both listen with ease.
All the filters and boundaries are off. The communication flows back and forth and the Endorphins cascade over the brain, like Niagara Falls. This allows everyone to feel good. So we not only are hearing we are listening and most likely we will be listening with our hearts. (some of will be listening with our genitals.)

So what happens? Dick and Jane find that they are in love. They find that they are the perfect Master Slave combination, Slave Mistress combination. They plan, they talk for hours, they play, and revel in the pleasure that is created. The process that I am speaking of can go on for years, yet most surveys will indicate that it tappers as time progresses. What happens next is they begin to see the quirks and the quarks of one another. Jane says, "He won't listen to me." Dick becomes distant and angry.Ego Boundaries snap back in place and now Dick and Jane can not listen to one another. Feelings abound, become out of control, nobody can listen and even the silence is deafening. This is a time for redirection. Seeking out a third party, a counselor, a teacher, and someone who is neutral becomes necessary. Many of BDSM people do not seek help. The Master Commands the Slave is to obey. No help needed. If this was true, why is it that more BDSM relationships and even BDSM marriages end up in trouble and divorce than our vanilla counterparts?

There is many forms of listening and cuing to watch and to work with. One of is body language. Watch how your partners body tenses and relaxes. Facial expressions. learn how to read your partners facial expressions. Learn to read fear, stress, shock, pain, love, satisfaction and calm on your partners face. Non verbal cuing. Watch for body motions, tensing, curling up, defensive posturing. Watch for warnings of shock, heavy sweating, shivering, tears, shaking, drop in temperature in extremities all are warnings.
What can happen when we listen is: we have the chance to re-feel the wonderous feelings of lust, surrender, love and oneness that we all seek. M.K.

Comments are encouraged and can be sent to:
If you are having emotional issues, seek out a professional in person.
I can be reached at:
This is a MKProduction2008c

Topic For Today is: Listening

Tuesday, December 16, 2008

Topic For today is Secrets

Good day to all. "We are only as "sick" as our secrets". In a lifestyle that demands and fosters honesty, why do we keep secrets from one another? Why do some tell small fibs, leave out important details of our lives and do not disclose important information to their partners, play partners, the BDSM community and our friends? The very act of keeping secrets can cause damage and harm to all of those involved. Here are some of the reasons why we keep secrets. Embarrassment. In actuality embarrassment, means to bear your ass in fear for wrong doing of one kind or another. We do not like to be embarrassed, (some humiliated). Another reason we keep secrets is that we do not wish to face consequences. We perceive loss and pain when it comes to consequences. In the person to person, Slave to Master relationship we can be punished, but worse off our partner can loose trust in us. We also have a need to be accepted by our partner, our friends, and the community. This is a big price to pay for some, and so secretes are born. You may want to ask yourselves: Do I keep secrets?
Why do I keep secrets? Do secrets enhance my being, or hurt my being? All of these questions need to be examined for the BDSM relationship to flourish. Here is an example of one secrete that almost cost a life.
I was at a festival. it was wonderful and the community was a special community. All levels of people in the lifestyle. We all sat down at a very nice banquet. After the banquet a huge play area was to be opened for the evening. My Mistress was busy talking so the piece of equipment she had me reserve was already taken. As I stood there I watched a young woman being bent over the Horse. Arms extended to her ankles with the Horse in between. She was then shackled to the legs of the Horse by both her arms and legs. Her buttocks was high in the air, a very beautiful sight to behold. Very Round shapely butt, creamy white skin, soft as a babies ass. I stood and watched. Her Master had spent many hours with her talking and exploring, and now was to be the final trail for ownership. Master asked her if there was anything she wished to tell him, share with him, and even if she did not want to go through with what was about to come. She replied, that she was there to become owned by him and that she loved him unconditionaly and was ready. He began to flog her at first. Then a Quart was used. The taus cut into her flesh like a knife through butter. Then came the cane. The session lasted an hour and a half. Tears of silence ran down her face, she even urinated on the mat as the pain was powerful and concise. When he was done, her buttocks, thighs, inside and out and her back where cut, welted, and she was bleeding. At first nobody noticed, but the slave was beginning to go into shock. As an emergency technician in an Emergency Department, I called 911, told them that we had an injury. They showed up and began to administer IV fluids. The Woman spent three days in the local hospital and she almost died. The reason she almost died was her big SECRETE. She is a Hemophiliac, a bleeder, someone who's blood does not clot. She had not told ANYONE this. In her quest , in her love, in her desire, she did not tell on herself and she almost died. Let me repeat this. SHE ALMOST DIED. In the end it all worked out after two units of blood, oxygen treatments, and a visit from a social worker and a psychiatrist. This case is an exception to the many cases I have studied, but I assure you it is real and it could have been deadly. Do we wish to keep our secrets even if it can harm or kill us. I do not think it is wise.
I wish to share one other case with you. I know a lifestyle slave who suffers from depression. She was abused by her father and older brother. She met a man in the lifestyle. Soon she showed up at the dungeon with him and became a part of the community. She was asked to join in a role playing session demonstration. As it turned out it was a scene where she would be abused, spanked, and humiliated. The demonstration was innocent, nobody was supposed to get hurt and only play acting was to go on. That is what went on, until the young Woman went into a Panic Attack as she had a flashback to her childhood. She did not share her secret. She was calmed down, and was taken to the Emergency Department. She was very disorientated, scared and she also had become hysterical. Again strange? I think not. WE ARE ONLY AS SICK AS OUR SECRETS. What secrets are you holding? M.K.

You may ask personal questions. You may reply to this collum @

Monday, December 15, 2008


Have you ever stopped and thought about what are relationships all about? Have you ever thought what that one word means? Relationships, in relationship, to a place a point, a destination. To relate, to understand, to communicate. Let us take a look at the first part of the definition.

In relationship to a point, to a destination. If we examine this we can see that we as people, wish to "get to a common destination". It is a destination of finding the 'One". We wish to come to a place of understanding and complete openness and ACCEPTANCE from another person. We strive to find the "ONE" to get to the point of that destination. Hopefully, we enjoy the journey! Do not forget, this is a journey, at times we struggle, at times we move with the current, and at times we rest. In other words : Focus on "Enjoying The Journey!"

Let us continue to the second part of the definition. To Relate. Not to compare, but to find in another what we understand, what has meaning to ourselves, what brings us closer to that person, and what attracts us to that person. To recognize the "we" in the "us".

In BDSM relationships it is most important to TRUST. The journey of TRUST comes from and is a part of the ability to relate. It is never all about the excitement factor or the need factor. I see many people in BDSM relationships rushing off with a person they have just met, just because their sexual physiology (parts) are excited. This leads to disaster more than success. BDSM relationships are supposed to be deeper, with more understanding, trust, honesty and a deeper sense of love and care. We all are trying to meet the "ONE". We are all trying to heal the scars of pain remembered. We are trying to fill the want within, for we all WANT!

When we relate and have a relationship, it will bring us great pleasure and peace to our lives. The,ME! ME! ME! must evolve into the US! US! US! Relationships are not easy but the journey can be very fulfilling and wondrous. signed, M.K.

AMKproduction 2008c
If you or anyone is having emotional issues relating to the lifestyle or other issues, please seek inperson help.
bsdm411 is not responsible for the content posted.
We encourage your comments, questions and personal questions at:

Friday, December 12, 2008

Topic For Today is: Drugs, Drink and BDSM

The saying used to go: "Sex Drugs and Rock-n-Roll. Many of us come from a time and place that "lived" that saying. Some of us live in that head space even now. I do not wish to spoil the party, I like to have fun. I also like the feelings or reckless abandon and freedom from self. Not many people do not want to "get down" and party.

Being in the lifestyle has afforded me many different views and opinions on the subject of drugs. I have seen people using drugs in the dungeons that they frequent, I have seen people taking drugs before go to the play parties. Some say it helps them with their inhibitions. Others will say I can "take" more pain when I have taken something to numb myself up. All of these thoughts are valid and real. After all we are going to "let our hair down" and "kick it". Right?

Conventional wisdom tells us that we should not mix BDSM with drinking or drugging. I agree with these ideas. The reality is quite the opposite. The facts are, many BDSM Players play under some kind of mood altering substances.

Now..... I know you know that this is dangerous, and it is. Drugs take away our boundaries, and our judgment. Drugs change our perceptions, our moods, and even our personalities.

As a counselor I know that these thoughts may fall on deaf ears, but have you ever thought of the ramifications to the lifestyle, if a tragedy occurs, while someone is on drugs or someone who has drank to much?

Think about it. National Television, News Papers and the Government would legislate laws against our beloved lifestyle. If the lifestyle survived in the open, we would all be under close scrutiny and we might have to do Urine testing to play at a local club. I ask again: IS IT WORTH IT! I know we all want to have fun. But... in this case especially: Does the "One" have the right to take away from the many? I hope your play is sober happy and fun. Have a great weekend. M.K.

Play safe:
Please refer any serious emotional problems and issues to a professional in person.
This is a M.K. production 2008c
We encourage comments and questions, you shall be anonymous.

Thursday, December 11, 2008

Topic for Today. Feelings/Emotions

Feelings are not right or wrong, it is what we choose to do with them that makes them right or wrong." NEVER! NEVER! NEVER! play when your emotions are running "high" or low. You may hurt someone else, and you may also hurt yourself!

The BDSM lifestyle by it's very design "keys" on and heightens emotional energy and thought. Some people in the lifestyle feel tangled in a webb of feelings that they can not understand. Some of us have adjusted to the higher levels of understanding our feelings. Even so it can still be dangerous to allow our unbridled feelings to run our lives or our scenes.

Several years ago I went to a training school. I wanted to learn how to become a better slave. My Mistress wanted to learn protocol and this place in Niles Michigan was recommended. I won't go on about what happened there, it was wonderful, but I will say my emotions were stirred.

On returning home, I felt kinda low and didn't want to work. I went to my office and didn't do much of anything. I was "out there" somewhere, but I did not have my feet planted on the ground. It took 3 days and several phone calls to figure out I was in the middle of Sub-Drop. Sub Drop is sort of like a mini depressed state of mind.

On the fourth day, my thinking and emotions leveled off. This taught me that the emotions of the lifestyle, top or bottom, slave or owner are very powerful. I have seen an angry Mistress tear her slaves butt to raw meat out of anger and frustration.

Always remember if it's broken you can not play with it. I am suggesting, to learn to feel your emotions, but always modulate your actions. On the vanilla side of things here is an unknown fact: We choose how to feel. That's correct! After the "knee-jerk reaction, we choose how we feel. We do not know that we are choosing, but how we feel is something we choose.

Here are a few things to do to get your feelings balanced.

Meditate, clear your mind, focus on how you want to feel, talk to others about your feelings. Most of all if you need emotional help seek it. Mostest of all have fun and take care of each other. M.W.

We encourage comments, questions, and your own personal issues
If you are having emotional issues we recommend seeing a professional in person.

Wednesday, December 10, 2008

Life is Meant for Living! BDSM style!

Life is meant for living! So.... Live it to the fullest every day. BDSM affords us the opportunity to live life on a level that most people only dream about. Honesty and communication being the corner stones of our lifestyle.The blend of the BDSM lifestyle and life in general gives us purpose.

The questions are:

Are you on purpose?

What is your purpose?

Is your partner on purpose?

What is your partners purpose?

The BDSM relationship is enhanced when these questions are carefully spoken about and understood by all involved. You will hear me ask often: "Are your needs and wants being met?" If so then your purpose is getting those needs met. If your purpose is pleasing your partner, then that becomes your purpose.

These may seem small and unimportant ideas and concepts. I get it! Some of the ideas and answers I receive for the "On Purpose" concepts are: " Oh I get it!" "It's so easy"? "Oh we do that all the time." These glossed over responses may not be enough.We seem to think that good relationships are founded on feelings and reactions. In reality sexuality inclusive of the BDSM Lifestyle are formed between our two ears in the Brain. As we move further into the lifestyle the anchor of our very style of living becomes: Am I on purpose?

The thought for today is: Am I on purpose? Think about it. Counselors Corner is here for you. I encourage, questions, comments, thoughts and ideas. Please feel free to contact us. Everything is confidential.


Tuesday, December 9, 2008

Introduction into BDSM Counseling

Hello to all and a Happy Holiday Season!

I have been blessed and honored to write a New Column for " OUR " 411BDSM site. Mistress is most kind and has much wisdom and wishes to make this site not only the best BDSM site, but an innovative and "REAL" place to come for FUN, COMFORT, BELONGING and COMMUNITY. It is a place to get our needs met and fulfilled. As part of this venture I will be available to provide "head help" spiritual direction, and insight, into the BDSM realm. I will also share a thought for today, on life, love and the pursuit to get what we need to feel whole and healthy. We also will post an email Addy, where you can bring issues, relationship questions and protocol questions, as well as fetish and issues of compulsively. These questions will be answered in a timely manner.

So..... Who is this guy anyway? My slave given name is spankey. I have been in the lifestyle for 25 years, give or take a few years. I hold degrees in, Family Counseling, Masters of Business, and have counseled BDSM-Relationship Therapy for 17 years. I was formally trained as a slave, and have a "Slaves Heart". I love to live life to the fullest in the Vanilla world as well as in the Lifestyle. I have done and continue to do private BDSM counseling on line. The most important thing is that I am available to you! I do not judge, but evaluate, I take the stance that we are not right or wrong, and look for the solution that works for you and your relationship. If this sounds like something you would like to be a part of, then write to me. State your permission to use your letter on the web site. Your name will not be used. If you wish to keep your issue private then please state that also. We are all part of each other and each others support makes us a strong and healthy community. I hope to hear from you at:

PS. If your relationship requires permission from your Mistress or your Master, please let us know that also. Thank you, spankey