Depth, or How deep does "it" go? Does anybody know what I am referring to? I sometimes wonder about the depth of someones love, commitment, dedication, belief systems and even morals. How deep are these for all of us, will determine who we are and how we relate to one another and how we relate to the the lifestyle.
There are 10 male subs, or male slaves for every 2 Domme's. Statistics are bleak at best for the male slave and sub. In some areas, subs and slaves get to play but that is as far as it will ever ever go. Female subs and slaves have also entered the picture in Lesbian and bi relationships in the lifestyle also. The statistics are better, but not very good either. For every 10 Female subs or slaves, there are 4 Domme's-female. If we look to the Masters-Male we find that there are 6 out of 10 placed female subs or slaves. Much better here, but still not the ideal. In the area of Male to Male, the numbers shift again to an 8 out of 10 "Hook Up". The statistics are gathered from lifestyle readings and surveys. I don't know how real they are, but they still give us the idea of what is going on. Why is this important?
We the bdsm lifestyle-rs know that bdsm comes in many flavors. The flavors are: I NEED the lifestyle in my life. It is a CELLULAR desire. I have a SLAVES HEART. I need to be a Master or Mistress. That is linked to the I want to be a sub, a slave, a Master, a Mistress, an owner. Then we find the "players". I can live with it, I can live without it kinda people. NO JUDGMENT HERE. " I CALLS THEM AS I SEES THEM!"
There are many of us who have tried to take a Vanilla Male or Female and bring them into the lifestyle. What I find in my own practice, and hear about from others in the field of ALT. Relationships is this. Many of us...going in... are so desperate to find the "One" that we tell ourselves: She will change when we are together. He will get used to being my slave when he has more time. Another miss-belief is I can live without the lifestyle, it will be OK. I can assure you it will not be alright, unless both parties have lifestyle needs, wants, and desires. The DEPTH of slavery, Subdum, Mistress-dum and Master-dum are too deep for the lifestyle partner. The Vanilla finds that he or she has gotten more than what he or she bargained for and the relationship goes into a tailspin.
I find that bdsm life and the lifestyle to be CELLULAR. It is all to REAL as a NEED. It doesn't have to define you, but it is a large part of who we are. I also find, that the needs we have will not be swept under the floor, or moved off into a closet.
When we try to sweep it away, it will return, stronger than ever before. ( I'd like to know if anyone can relate to this?)
Choose your bdsm partners carefully. That means care for you partner enough and try to understand who they are and what they are about. When you read Internet Stories about, Male Domination/Female Domination, Erotica, consider the source. Is it real? A two hour spanking and flogging is whip! ouch! ouch! in a story, but it is "more powerful than a speeding bullet" in real life. IT HURTS!....OUCH!!!!! Once again learn about who your partner is. Allow your partner to learn who you are. Most important is: KNOW WHO YOU ARE AND WHAT YOUR NEEDS WANTS AND DESIRES ARE! In so doing maybe we can change the statistics and the DEPTHS of our relationships.
If you are having any mental health issues, please seek professional council, in person.
This is a MK production2008c
Published and written for: 411bdsm
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